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Wishes

They said goldfish can grant you three wishes
But I'd only choose one
Maybe if that wish came true
You would spend time with me
Getting to know
The deaphts of my soul
My poetic being ,
My love for art that is created by words,
Remembering my favourite colour
And see everything in that hue,
The way I smile happily
Whenever I feel delighted,
Comforting me with a hug
Everytime I feel sorrowful,
If it doesn't come true
I might as well drown in the ocean
Or was it your eyes?
Was this more than one wish?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Wishes" effectively uses the metaphor of a goldfish granting wishes to express a longing for connection and understanding. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm. The lines vary in length and syllabic count, which can disrupt the flow of the piece. Consider revising the poem to establish a more consistent rhythm, which can help to enhance the overall reading experience.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from a more precise use of language. For example, the line "The deaphts of my soul" contains a spelling error ("deaphts" should be "depths"). Furthermore, the phrase "My poetic being" is somewhat vague. Consider revising this phrase to more specifically convey what aspect of the speaker's identity is being referred to.

Thirdly, the poem's conclusion could be made more impactful. The final lines "I might as well drown in the ocean / Or was it your eyes? / Was this more than one wish?" introduce a new metaphor (drowning in the ocean/eyes) and a new question (about the number of wishes), which can be confusing for the reader. Consider revising these lines to more directly tie back to the poem's central theme of longing for connection and understanding.

Finally, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of punctuation. There are several lines that end with a comma, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and create confusion about where sentences begin and end. Consider revising the poem's punctuation to enhance its readability.

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