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April Foolish

While strolling down this grassy lane
at a lovely slow meandering pace,
when who should I spot, but a brown Rabbit
decked out in tails, I then gave mad chase...

In his tux, dogging obstacles,
closely I followed, eager to catch him.
I was near, but he vanished down a hole
on his heels, standing at the holes brim

Without thought, I threw myself in.
Down, down, down, down I was ever falling,
hitting the ground upside down with a thump
Rabbit to my right, I began calling

Ignoring me, he checked his watch
it is then I spring forward in his path.
Facing me with a flashing glint in eyes
I am about to feel his Rabbit wrath!

Startling me with his rabbit punch
I ask, "Please, settle down, I mean no ill"
to which he responds, "no time for you now!"
"late for lunch of which I will eat my fill!"

He hops away on his journey.
Suddenly, I realized I was lost,
hearing the Rabbit laughing distantly
at a fool down a hole, paying the cost!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
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Review Request (Direction): 
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How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem demonstrates a strong command of rhyme and rhythm, which helps to establish a consistent narrative flow. The use of a whimsical narrative and anthropomorphized characters is reminiscent of traditional fables and fairy tales, which can be an effective tool for engaging readers.

However, there are areas that could benefit from further refinement. For instance, the poem could use more vivid and specific imagery to fully immerse the reader in the scene. While the poem does provide some description of the rabbit and the hole, more detailed and sensory language could help to bring these elements to life. For example, instead of simply describing the rabbit as "brown," the poem could delve into the texture of its fur, the shine in its eyes, or the speed of its movements.

Additionally, the poem's narrative could be made clearer. While the poem does tell a story, some of the events and motivations of the characters are not fully explained. For example, it's unclear why the protagonist is chasing the rabbit, or why they decide to jump down the hole. Providing more context or backstory could help to make the narrative more engaging and understandable.

Finally, the poem's use of language and syntax could be more consistent. There are several instances where the poem uses archaic or formal language, such as "whilst" and "spy," but also uses more casual and modern language, like "dogging" and "mad chase." While mixing different styles of language can sometimes be effective, in this case it may be distracting or confusing for the reader. It might be beneficial to choose one style of language and stick to it throughout the poem.

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too many people seem to be going down the rabbit hole lately

It beats being torn up by the roots in a cyclone in Kansas! LOL!

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author comment

Hello, Cat,
A whimsical trip! April foolish fun is the best kind of fun!
Lx

I am glad you enjoyed it!

*hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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