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A Father Is A Girl's Best Friend!
Neopoet Contest: What my best friend gave me
Love from the "get go" on day one!
Do not remember I only heard tales
of the happy hours spent awake with you,
you smiled at me, fair winds set my sails.
You picked me up when I stumbled and fell
dusting me off, you wiped away my tears
assuring me I had done no wrong.
You were always there to chase away my fears.
Oh, how I loved and worshiped you
my very own champion of the heart,
you loved me, no matter what was done
through my child days then divorce did part,
but still there for me, against any storm.
How you made me laugh with your stories,
some of them funny, of your Rodeo days
bustin' bronks, winning prizes and glories.
Always knowing in your heart I loved you best
I was your student, I sat at your knee rapt
learning your life's philosophies was wonderful
as a pupil I sat and absorbed knowing it was apt.
Much older now, it seems that eons have past
I still think of you almost every day and night.
All that you gave me through your teaching yarns
at the end of each tunnel you are my shining light!
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-03-14 20:40
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem demonstrates a clear understanding of rhythm and rhyme, which is commendable. However, there are areas where the rhythm is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For instance, the line "bustin' bronks, winning prizes and glories" is noticeably longer than the surrounding lines.
The poem also exhibits a strong emotional connection between the speaker and the subject, which is effectively communicated through the repeated use of personal pronouns. However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery to further evoke the reader's emotions and to paint a more vivid picture of the relationship.
The poem's theme of a father-daughter relationship is clear, and the use of colloquial language, such as "bustin' bronks," gives the poem a personal and intimate feel. However, the language can be more varied and rich to add depth to the narrative.
The poem's structure is generally consistent, with each stanza containing four lines. However, the last stanza contains five lines, which breaks this pattern. It would be beneficial to maintain a consistent structure throughout the poem to ensure a smooth reading experience.
The poem's ending is poignant and effectively concludes the narrative. However, the use of cliché in "at the end of each tunnel you are my shining light" could be replaced with a more original metaphor to make the poem more unique and impactful.
In conclusion, this poem has potential and demonstrates a good understanding of poetic techniques. With some refinement in rhythm, imagery, language, structure, and metaphor, it could be enhanced.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Thu, 2024-03-14 19:21
A Father Is A Girl's Best Friend
Hello, Cat,
Such a loving tribute. It sounds like a very strong relationship. I, too, had a great relationship with my father, and could relate to this lovely poem. I enjoyed this!
Thank you!
L
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-03-15 15:09
Dear Lavender,
As I grow older, these are the memories that stick (on the good side) Thank you for reading and commenting. I am glad you enjoyed it.
*soft hug, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Fri, 2024-03-15 01:40
Hi Cat...
I read this and thought about how close you must have been. it reminded me in many ways of my father and I. Only you had the challange of divorce to live with. Still he was strong enough to love and guide you. You were very lucky and blessed. Very
descriptive and softening. Great poem Cat!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-03-15 15:12
Dear Leslie,
thank you so much for reading and commenting. I am glad you had a good relationship with your father, too.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
William Lynn
Sat, 2024-03-16 09:29
Hi Cat
Hi Cat
What a wonderful tribute to your Dad. You have mentioned in the past how close you were and it is obvious that you were both lucky to have each other.
Great job of putting that affection into poem. Congrats! - Will
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-03-16 11:16
Thank you Will,
even though he as passed, he is with me still. thank you for reading and responding ;)
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Unca Fez
Sun, 2024-03-24 07:58
I Envy You
I've heard your stories about your father over the last 42 years and have always wished that my father would have been there for me the way yours was. My father travelled much for work when I was young, so the bond never really formed. For the most part, he was the diciplinarian in my life, when he was around.
I am glad you had someone to take your part and oppose your mother.
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-03-25 15:27
Thank you...
I have told you so many stories... I am glad that you enjoyed them. at one time he was all I had, now we have each other!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.