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Under The Influence of Love (Updated)
I grew willing
to take a chance
I took your hand,
you led me in
the veiled dance.
Under your influence
I looked deeply into
your eyes, the color
of wood-smoke...
I was hypnotized
knew I would never stray
would always sway
under the influence
of our love...
We became much more
than solitary souls.
mysterious motorcycle
riders of the winds...
We became the roads
traveled, smoking
every winding curve...
knowing we had found home.
Style / type:
Free verse
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How was my language use?
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punctuated.
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-02-02 13:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Under The Influence" presents a narrative of love and enchantment, using imagery and repetition to convey its message.
The use of the phrase "under your influence" as a recurring motif effectively emphasizes the speaker's emotional state and the power dynamics within the relationship. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied exploration of this concept. For instance, the speaker might describe specific actions or feelings that occur under this influence, thereby deepening the reader's understanding of the relationship.
The imagery in the poem, such as "your eyes, the color of wood-smoke," is evocative and contributes to the poem's overall mood. However, the poem could further leverage sensory details to create a more immersive experience for the reader. For example, the speaker might describe the feeling of the dance, the sound of the music, or the smell of the smoke.
The poem's structure, which consists of short lines and stanzas, creates a rhythmic flow that mirrors the dance described in the poem. However, the poem could experiment with line breaks and stanza breaks to create more tension or surprise. For example, breaking the line after "I looked deeply into" could create a moment of suspense before revealing the object of the speaker's gaze.
In terms of language, the poem uses simple, straightforward words and phrases. While this contributes to the poem's accessibility, the poem could incorporate more complex or unusual language to create a more distinctive voice. For example, instead of saying "I was hypnotized," the speaker might describe the specific sensations or thoughts that led to this state of hypnosis.
Finally, the poem's theme of love and influence is a universal one that many readers can relate to. However, the poem could delve deeper into this theme by exploring its nuances and complexities. For example, the speaker might reflect on the potential dangers or drawbacks of being so deeply under someone else's influence.
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Lavender
Fri, 2024-02-02 10:18
Under The Influence
Hello, Cat,
This is gentle - like a slow waltz. Beautiful.
Thank you,
L
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-02-02 15:58
Dear Lavender,
Thank you,
I added a bit more to it. I hope you enjoy the addition, as well?
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Fri, 2024-02-02 21:55
Hi, Cat,
So, a slow waltz...and a wild motorcycle ride! A perfect combination! It's great!
L
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-03 07:19
;) many smiles...
Thanks lavender!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Unca Fez
Fri, 2024-02-02 16:16
And Thanks To That Influence...
And thanks to that influence, we survived some god-awful arguments! Because of it, we learned to walk away before either of us did or said something that was unforgiveable. I am thankful for it every day of my life.
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-03 07:23
me too!
I had a fiery temper and you had that annoying attitude...
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Sun, 2024-02-04 04:16
Cat
Interesting I learn more every time I read. I'm with Lavender it feels like a smooth waltz.
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-04 06:06
:)
thank you... you have put a smile on my face!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Sun, 2024-02-04 13:39
Cat...
Thanks!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-04 13:46
(((Leslie)))
*many hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Mon, 2024-02-05 07:49
I love
Your story together. I know I have said it before but each time you retell it, the magic presents itself in so many different ways. Beautiful write and tribute to a love of a life time.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-02-05 13:07
for over...
forty years he has blessed my existence! thank you for reading and your sweet comment.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.