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When The Moon is Full
Aria, fairy of dusk
appearing
with the first
star.
Sweeping away
the reign of day
by her bidding.
With gentle touch,
introducing
sweet tendrils
of evening.
From which
velvet canvas
takes possession
of the canopy
as soon the
full moon rises.
First, low in the sky
horizon alight
with shy moonbeams,
she takes her place
amongst the stars...
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-01-03 14:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "When The Moon is Full" effectively employs imagery and personification to create a vivid picture of the transition from day to night. The use of the character 'Aria' as the 'fairy of dusk' adds a mythical element to the poem, which enhances the overall atmosphere.
However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The transition from the 'reign of day' to the 'velvet canvas' of the night could be smoother. The poem could also benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality, as the title 'Aria' suggests a musical piece.
The phrase 'as soon the full moon rises' seems to be missing a word, which disrupts the flow of the poem. It could be revised for clarity and to maintain the rhythm of the poem.
The final stanza effectively captures the moon's ascent in the night sky, but it could be expanded to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the poem. The moon's interaction with the stars, for instance, could be further explored.
In terms of structure, the poem could benefit from more consistent stanza lengths. This would provide a more balanced visual presentation and could enhance the rhythm of the poem.
Finally, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and to enrich the imagery. For example, different words or phrases could be used to describe the night sky instead of 'canopy' and 'canvas'.
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Ruby Lord
Wed, 2024-01-03 08:16
This is spectacular Cat. I
This is spectacular Cat. I love your vivid imagery and personification to convey the magic in the transition from day to night and your use of "shy moonbeams" gives the poem a romantic feel to it. It is a captivating and enchanting poem. I think breaking it into natural stanzas will help the reader and create a better visual appeal on the screen.
I loved it. Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-01-03 08:37
Thank you Ruby,
When I copied the poem from notepad, it was in stanzas but I guess it did not transfer to neo well! I will fix that. it is a good thing to check our work after posting, before posting, too, LOL! I am so glad you like it, my friend! I am in love with Steven and the moon in any of her phases, but especially FULL...it makes me feel like howling, lol!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Wed, 2024-01-03 09:44
When The Moon Is Full
Hello, Cat,
So serene. A gentle flow from dusk into the velvet night and the full moon. Beautiful imagery.
L
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-04 08:36
Dear Lavender,
I am glad you found it so, thank you :)
*love Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Wed, 2024-01-03 10:36
Yes...
Aria, fairy of the dew is gently dropped to the grass
in this piece. She washes the grime from the day's tracks.
I think that you may try to adjust your piece to perform
smoother, by moving the lines a bit. Here's how I would adjust it.
Aria, fairy of dusk
appearing with the first star
she sweeps away the reign of day
by her bidding
With gentle touch
introducing sweet tendrils
of evening
The velvet canvas
takes possession of the canopy
as soon as the full moon rises
First low in the sky
horizon alight
with shy moonbeams
she takes her place
amongst the stars
Of course, as always, you can do what you will with my suggestions.
Use them as is, twist them for your own, or simply trash them.
I like this one very much. It reminds me of a night job I had
many years ago, where I got to step outside to perform certain tasks
and I could look at the moon and stars. Nice and quiet out there,
with minimal noise from inside. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-04 08:44
Dear Gee,
Once again, I thank you for your help in a full critique :) I used your suggestion and find that the poem reads smoother now. I always appreciate your insights into my work.
I am happy to have brought back good memories to you. I always like hearing that!
*love & hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Thu, 2024-01-04 09:51
As per usual...
you have done what I expect you to do, which is taking my suggestions and making them your own. You always manage to get the most out of them. I am glad that you make changes that can take your work to higher heights. Very nicely done! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-04 10:23
Dear Geezer,
I accept most of your suggestions to heart as I respect them and you very much! Thank you for your time and experience!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Thu, 2024-01-04 10:39
I blush...
Thank you very much. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Triskelion
Wed, 2024-01-03 11:22
Wonderful
..vocabulary and imagery in this soft-as-velvet piece. It practically has texture. I can't help but wonder how it would translate into an ode or sonnet. Let's see it with stanzas, at least.
...Simply beautiful!
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-04 08:50
Dear Thomas,
Thank you for reading and commenting on this poem. It is greatly appreciated! I will see if I can improve the punctuation. I am sorry but I am incapable of a sonnet or ode. But if you would like to take its essence and try one of them, I give my permission.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Unca Fez
Wed, 2024-01-03 21:31
Reminds Me of Fantasia
The imagery in this brings to mind some of the images from the Disney movie, "Fantasia". Beautiful!
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-04 08:52
Dearest Steven,
I know what you mean! I see it! thanks!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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RoseBlack
Thu, 2024-01-04 22:03
A little fairy
Magic to accompany the moon! I enjoyed the little story within the poem. Beautifully written as usual.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-01-05 07:13
Dear Carrie,
Thank you for letting me know you liked this poem, I much appreciate it! Miko my black cat is sprawled out on my lap, between me and my keyboard. Making it hard to type. he says "Hello".
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Fri, 2024-01-05 07:21
My cats
Enjoy helping me type. Khaos is always happy to step on keys or hit my hand with her head. She is a black cat as well. I currently have four black cats, two of which are babies.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-01-05 07:31
We are down to...
three, now... Mia a Russian Blue, Miko a black, and Phoenix a black & white, with feet like paddles... the biggest feet I have ever seen on a house cat, lol! Miko likes me to read to him, so I read him poetry!
*
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And responds, please be courteous
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RoseBlack
Fri, 2024-01-05 10:47
I have 9
7 are older and 2 are babies. Three tuxedos...one blonde..one lynx point Siamese...four black..
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-01-05 13:16
oops!
I told you that Phoenix is a black and white, but she is a Black and White Tuxedo! and her heart belongs to Steven!
what a lovely family you have! I would bet that they all keep you entertained! sweet...
*
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Sen99
Fri, 2024-01-12 08:55
A nice poetic Ode to the moon
This has a lovely lyrical tone
A picturesque piece setting the scene for a moonrise
Wel done Cat
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-02-15 06:42
Thank you
for reading and taking the time to comment.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
MermaidMaster
Fri, 2024-01-12 12:03
this is beautiful!! i love
this is beautiful!! i love the line:
With gentle touch,
introducing
sweet tendrils
of evening.
thank you for sharing!!
<3
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-02-15 06:45
hello MM,
Thank you! Geezer is a part of the poem being what it is!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.