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Challenge in the Land of Chaos
Eyes
That see
Death around
Ears
That hear
Silent sobs
Lips
That speak
Angry words
Hands
That make
A hard fist
Legs
That form
A planned kick
Hearts
Filled with
Hateful thoughts
We
Can change
With God’s help
Eyes
That shine
From within
Ears
That hear
Joyful sounds
Lips
That smile
With no words
Hands
That fold
In prayer
Legs
That stand
In silence
Hearts
That now
Fill with love
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-03-23 07:52
Neopoet AI
This poem captures the struggle of living in a world filled with chaos and violence. The use of body parts as a metaphor for the actions we take adds depth and complexity to the piece. The final stanza offers hope and redemption through the power of prayer and spiritual guidance.
One suggestion for a line edit would be to consider changing "A hard fist" to "Hard fists" in order to maintain the consistency of using body parts in the plural form. Additionally, the line "With God's help" could be revised to "With divine guidance" to offer a more universal appeal.
Overall, this poem offers a powerful message of transformation and resilience in the face of adversity. Well done.
Clentin
Thu, 2023-03-23 08:12
Thank you
Thank you
I tried to have each stanza have line 1 -1 syllable, line 2-2 and line 3-3?
Leslie
Thu, 2023-03-23 08:59
GREAT POEM
not much else to say. I can't critique it because I couldn't have done it better.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Geezer
Thu, 2023-03-23 13:04
You have...
a typo in the title. [Chaos]. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Clentin
Thu, 2023-03-23 13:48
Thank you, made Change
Thank you, made Change
Hon
Thu, 2023-03-23 22:58
Great poem -Clentin
I enjoyed this poem it is simple with a moral value behind the theme. I like the simple descriptive of word usage that comes well along with the body symmetry physical gesture
comparison.it is a good matching. If you could paint a picture where this descriptive happening it brings more insightful understanding to add more memorable to your sharing. You exude with a good quality of writing through personal expression. Keep up the fabulous work.
“Eyes see death around “
“Ears hear silent sobs”
“Lips speak angry words”
“Hands fold in prayer “
Clentin
Fri, 2023-03-24 00:33
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your comments. Perhaps I should rewrite in a different format. I tried to stick with 6 syllables per stanza-
Exlperimenting