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I Call Home
Down, down in the dark, I call home
I am surrounded by quiet stones
The bones they do not ever bother me
I can be whoever, whoever I want to be
Stones etched with weathered names
Why they left, from where they came
With dates to mark the passage of time
Of their lives and of my decaying mind
One stone has no name and no date
On someone, it calls and does wait
Then, then I will be where I call home
Just resting with all the other bones
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2023-01-29 19:13
This...
one seems a little ragged in the meter and
I'm not too sure about the double words, but I like it.
I think the meter can be fixed by:
1] The bones, they do not bother me
2] With dates to mark the passing time
3] Of their lives, my decaying mind
4] One stone has no name or date
5] On someone, it calls and waits
6] Just resting with the other bones
As always, this is your work, and you are welcome to use or discard any or all of my ideas.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Depressed 1
Mon, 2023-01-30 06:41
Thanks
Thanks Geezer
https://www.artofelpaso.com/
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-01-30 06:58
dear Depressed1,
I really like it as is, probably because I am clinically depressed and on medication for it. I think a little disjointed works because it is how you feel...I like honest!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Depressed 1
Tue, 2023-01-31 22:31
Thanks
Thanks Cat. I have been feeling that way a lot lately. Work seems to be just piling up on me here lately. Fortunately I have found a few different outlets lately.
https://www.artofelpaso.com/