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Building

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Thu, 2023-08-03 01:11

I am building something up in me

It will be my only lasting legacy

When people see they will not believe

It will be a wonder for them to see

I have kept it so well hidden

What I have built is forbidden

When what I have built is revealed

It will be too late; my fate will be sealed

I have been building it up in me so long

I cannot rip it down though it is wrong

One more step and it will be done

It will come out of the dark into the Sun

They will try to break it down brick by brick

You cannot turn healthy what is always sick

All the devastation that will be left behind

Will always burn forever in the world's mind

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Thu, 2023-08-03 07:11

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Building

Poem Review:

The poem "Building" explores the theme of a hidden creation that will have a lasting impact. The imagery of constructing something within oneself is intriguing and creates a sense of anticipation. However, there are areas where the poem could be strengthened to enhance its impact.

Firstly, consider refining the language and imagery to create a more vivid and evocative experience for the reader. For example, in the line "It will be a wonder for them to see," you could provide specific details about what makes it wondrous. This would help to engage the reader's imagination and make the poem more immersive.

Additionally, the poem introduces the idea of the creation being forbidden, but it doesn't delve into the reasons behind this secrecy. Expanding on the forbidden nature of the creation and its potential consequences could add depth and complexity to the poem.

Furthermore, the poem touches upon the internal struggle of the speaker, but it could benefit from further exploration of the emotions and conflicts involved

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