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Winter's Not That Cold
Winter is in full force today, temperature in the teens.
Seems colder since you left.
On the frosted window sill, a small bird just made its landing,
probably wondering where you went.
Coffee simmering on the stove, a solitary cup waiting patiently
where two cups ought to be.
Perhaps there is sun where you are and you are happy once again.
Here, the wind whispers your name.
I could have begged you to stay but winter's not that lonesome.
Maybe solitude is what we needed.
When the temperature drops tonight, in our warm bed I'll think of you
and wonder if you'll ever return.
I think when winter says goodbye you may have second thoughts.
I'm not sure that will work now.
After my next cup of coffee I'll feed that small bird on the sill
and try to remember better times.
Style / type:
Free verse
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neopoet
Mon, 2024-01-15 22:31
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Winter's Not That Cold" effectively uses the metaphor of winter to convey the speaker's feelings of loneliness and longing after a separation. The cold, harsh weather parallels the speaker's emotional state, and the recurring motif of the small bird and the cup of coffee adds a layer of depth to the narrative.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures and more vivid, specific imagery. For example, instead of saying "High temperature in the teens," the poet could describe the biting cold, the icy wind, or the snow-covered landscape to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show the speaker's emotions. Instead of stating "I wish patience would bring you back," the poet could show the speaker doing something that demonstrates their patience and longing, like waiting by the phone or looking at old photos.
The poem's ending could also be more impactful. The final two lines, "I'll feed that small bird on the sill. / I'll try to think of better times," do not fully encapsulate the speaker's emotional journey or provide a satisfying conclusion to the narrative. The poet could consider revising these lines to better reflect the speaker's feelings of loss, longing, or acceptance.
Lastly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent to enhance its musicality and flow. The poet could experiment with different poetic forms and structures to achieve this.
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Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-16 07:41
Dear Will,
instead of using patience in the third line of the third verse, how about trying a different word, such as: bearing, calmness, equanimity or, constancy?
I really like this poem as it shows the stoicism of the poet. my favorite lines are:
After my next cup of coffee,
I'll feed that small bird on the sill.
I'll try to think of better times.
I like them because there is a glimmer of hope within.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
William Lynn
Tue, 2024-01-16 10:41
Good morning Cat.
Good morning Cat.
Thank you for your suggestion. I have edited the line you suggested and I hope it works better. I have made a few other changes that were also necessary to help the flow (I hope).
Always a glimmer of hope!
Best wishes. - Will
author commentClentin
Tue, 2024-01-16 11:28
Your poem shows signs of
Your poem shows signs of losing someone and hope that there will be a reunion.
William Lynn
Tue, 2024-01-16 11:48
Hello Clentin.
Hello Clentin.
Thanks for reading the poem and for your comments. Perhaps when something is lost, something is gained. In reality, I suppose hope is usually all we have left. Maybe that's enough.
Best wishes. - Will
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