The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and metaphors to convey a sense of betrayal and heartbreak. The phrase "softly articulated lies like rose petals hiding cruel thorns of veracity" is a particularly strong metaphor that encapsulates the theme of the poem.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The narrative seems to lose its focus in the middle, with the transition from the speaker's initial infatuation to the discovery of betrayal feeling abrupt. A more gradual build-up or foreshadowing could help to make the narrative more cohesive and impactful.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show, particularly in the lines "Never had I known, before, that raw truth can be ugly, stark in its unfolding." Instead of stating this directly, the poem could benefit from using more imagery or metaphor to convey this realization.

Lastly, the poem's language can be somewhat overwrought at times, which can detract from the emotional impact. Simplifying the language and focusing on concrete images could help to make the poem more accessible and emotionally resonant.

In terms of structure, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of line breaks and stanzas to guide the reader through the narrative and emphasize key moments. The repeated phrase "when the moon hangs blue" could also be used more strategically to punctuate the narrative and reinforce the poem's themes.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I have no idea what "When the Moon Hangs Blue" means,
but I get the feeling that it must be one of those rare occurences
where resistence is futile. It's happening! I love the switch from seduction to
occuring to past tense and acceptance. Told the whole story in one shot,
including the ultimate winning position. ~ Geez. say hi guys...
.

I know we have said it before but it is like taking a page right out of my own life. I love the consistent flow with no breaks. This read like a poetic story full of emotion. The rise and fall of a toxic relationship...I would've let her keep him too.

Hi, Cat,
Very sensual, straight-forward language. I'm wondering if "So I leave her to you" might be stated as "So I leave you to her" since he is the one you are actually leaving. I may not be reading your meaning correctly, though. I really like the way the beginning and end wrap around the entire poem.
Thank you,
L

This caused me to feel the way I often do.
Things even when they have soft pastel
beginnings seldom turn out the way we
want them too. By the way a good friend
once told me "men are coyotes".

This is so great, I loved the story telling elements of it. Stories in poems always get to me as they continue to reveal themselves.
Like Geezer, I enjoyed the transition from seduction to acceptance, well done. Lavender has also picked up on the one action that tripped me up: "So I leave her to you;" Should this be, "So I leave you to her;"
It was a great poem, loved it. Ruby :) xx