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When The Moon

Submitted by Tommi Cordial on Tue, 2012-06-05 03:13

When the moon falls at daybreak
And gives in to the sun
To the dew of mornings breath
As it whispers from the wind
The birds will sing a song of joy
Revealing natures glow
The children play joyfully
For mothers work that's not done
The sun falls slowly back asleep
And gives in to the night
We smile a smile
We dream a dream
As day falls out of sight.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Tommi Cordial

Tue, 2012-06-05 15:11

Tommi Cordial's picture

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will consider breaking if it doesn't take too much from the flow.
Tommi

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

author comment

Tommi Cordial

Tue, 2012-06-05 15:12

Tommi Cordial's picture

Or rather should i say minds ear. now that you mention it, it does seem a little like a lullaby.

Tommi

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

author comment

loved

Sun, 2012-06-10 02:09

loved's picture

''We smile a smile
We dream a dream
As day falls out of sight.\\ ....GEEGRREEAAT.. GR8WORDS

Lovely ingredients of life you express ...as three in one ...ice-cream kind

SMILE IS THE gifts of life... its abs free GIVE IT TO ALL HUMANITY...

DREAM... is that imagination which each one nurses ...but does not take further ...unless they have the verve...you have...

SIGHT..... IS THAT MOST ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT OF THE HUMAN FORM
WITHOUT WHICH NO ONE CAN SURVIVE

else it would be like a perpetual tsunami

loved

Tommi Cordial

Wed, 2012-06-13 17:08

Tommi Cordial's picture

I am so glad you enjoyed it.
Tommi

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

author comment
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