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Cervantes
<p>A tired mother
young hatchlings to feed
they're truly too big now
to fulfill their need
it's time to go now
it's time to fly
time with no warning
go now with no why
soft down suspended
three hatchlings emerge
but that poor one
that young noble bird
a mother swoops in
a mother to mother
a child to give sympathy
a child to smother
she pecks and gives chase
for the weak dying male
he flaps and he screams
he flops and he flails
one chance try
one chance to fail
a sheet of darkness
a rescues takes flight
to save this noble prince of night
I brought you home
I made you tame
as you circle our home
and call your name...</p>
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is a poem about a baby raven, 2 friends , my children and I rescued from his mothers wrath in 1992. Cervantes "King of the Night"
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
New York, U.S.
Favorite Poets
RobeccaJane Lee-Murchison, Albert Friedman, Edgar Allen Poe, EE Cummings, Charles Dickens
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Comments
Tommi Cordial
Sat, 2012-04-07 22:41
Moral of the story
Nature is as cruel as Man"
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2012-04-08 13:01
Dear Tommi,
This a fantastic story poeticly told! I'm so glad that there was a happy ending! I loved the whole piece and cannot pick favorite lines as they are all brilliant.
I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work!
always, Cat
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And reply in kind, thanks.
Tommi Cordial
Sun, 2012-04-08 16:46
Wow
I am so excited being here. I apprecitae your expression to not find a favorite line i try to do the same in each piece. I knew my family has had me as a favorite writer for quite sometime but i feared "true artist opinion". silly i know i just took the leap this late in life and im not just being appreciated but finding new favorites and have an opportunity to learn more... I feel wwelcome and i give my thanks to you and all the members.
Tommi
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
author commentTommi Cordial
Mon, 2012-04-09 23:28
thank you
Thank you very much. This was not my first post but definitely a part of my life i want to share with others. Every 1 seems so focused on animal cruelty but there is another type that nature had laid out and i wanted to share the experience. Thanks again
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
author commentTommi Cordial
Mon, 2012-04-09 23:32
True
This is a true story and now a new way to tell it. A truly amazing experience to say the least and sharing the memory with my children. Cervantes was released into the wild 7 years later and still has a nest nearby our old home. He visits us at our new home often and now has a mate. :)
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
author commentNordic cloud
Thu, 2012-04-12 12:01
My uncle Scott used to take
My uncle Scott used to take in birds that were wounded and nurse them back to health, or splint their broken wing. I loved that about him, nature is less concerned sometimes and its the survival of the fittest that counts there, one sees many compassionate parents too though.
Well told story Tommi.
Ann of Norway.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Tommi Cordial
Thu, 2012-04-12 19:37
Thank You
It's so nice to hear that there are people out there to love what mother nature has planned for us and give care to animals other simply wouldn't. Your words are kind and appreciated.
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
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