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Walk-In-Closet (Ghost at 2714 Girard Ave. N.)

There sure should have been a warning
on those black and white photographs
from an era long since past,
but not easily forgotten.

Mid nineteenth-century clothing,
Top hats, coat, waistcoat,
pantaloons, and high boots.
In hand, a wolf-headed, silver-tipped cane.

This figure centered in the shot.
Eyes focused and keenly hateful,
His vision, direct, striking!
obscenity and rage seeming fateful
sent directly to me.

At every turn of the album page...
I feel like I have known him
(maybe in a long past life?)
Such orbs! So heavily lashed.
Thin-lipped smile in a set sneer
Made my heart shudder and falter
would I ever be free of my fear?

But the eyes, oh those eyes,
they pierced right to the soul.
I would know of his wrath
where he would know of my pain...

* On the last page; a wedding photograph of the man, and a woman with my face!

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What did you think of my title?
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively utilizes imagery to establish a haunting atmosphere and convey a sense of unease. The detailed description of the figure in the photographs, particularly the focus on the eyes, creates a vivid and unsettling image that serves to engage the reader's imagination.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and inconsistent rhythm can disrupt the flow of the poem and distract from the narrative. By refining the rhythm and meter, the poem could achieve a more cohesive and immersive reading experience.

The use of parentheses in the line "maybe in a long past life?" is somewhat jarring and interrupts the tone of the poem. It might be more effective to integrate this idea into the poem more seamlessly, perhaps by rephrasing or repositioning this line.

The final line of the poem introduces a twist that deepens the mystery and intrigue of the narrative. However, the use of an exclamation mark might be seen as overly dramatic and could potentially detract from the impact of this revelation. A more subtle punctuation choice could allow the reader to absorb this information more naturally, enhancing the overall effect of the poem.

Lastly, the poem could explore the emotional response of the speaker in greater depth. While the poem does convey a sense of fear and unease, further exploration of the speaker's feelings and reactions could add another layer of complexity to the poem and further engage the reader's empathy.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Howdy Cat.

I like the poem BUT, I have no intention of heading towards 2714 Girard St. Not no but, Hell no.

Best wishes, Will

thank you for reading and writing a clever comment. You made me laugh!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hi Cat, I liked the unusual setting used for the poem and the descriptions of clothing. As it is a real life experience, the title is appropriate. The mysterious elements of the poem and the emotional intensity gives it a real moody sensation. I have to say you've created an intriguing and unique experience for this reader. Thank you, Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

I do so appreciate your support with this project I have taken on with Ghosts! I am always open to suggestions. Only a fool would close their mind to them. I shall be going over this poem looking where I can improve. Thank you!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Was this ghost one of the worst that you've experienced? I know that there are others. This one reminded me a bit of the main villain in "Phantasm". Very scary. Glad that I never lived there.

Thanx,
Steve

he was the worst. because I was stuck living there for 4 years! It was very stressful there. plus I had David n my life...

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

What a neat story. You have enjambment as a style here. Held me all the way down to the end. Perhaps make that after though last line a part of it? Like a last stanza? Freaky, it belongs!
Good luck in the contest,
Mark

Read/Comment it's a win win

Join a contest!
If you need to know how then just ask me :~)

I was here now I disappear..

Do you mean I should write another verse? Or make that line a part of the previous verse? I do not think I have another one in me. Thank you for the feed back...glad you liked it!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Really liked this stanza:

This figure centered in the shot.
Eyes focused and keenly hateful,
His vision, direct, striking!
obscenity and rage seeming fateful
sent directly to me.

I was wondering about the ghost, was he a real part of your life?

Very nicely written.

he was. I think he killed his wife and buried her on the property and got away with it. The place housed many secrets.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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