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Too Little, So Much

Submitted by Mary Beth Magee on Sat, 2024-06-15 15:25

I have spent it all, every bit
Of energy, of emotion.
I’ve used up every shred of it
On wasted acts, empty motion.
I am overdrawn in my heart,
Just like my empty bank account.
No money left, no drive to start
Anew to build something to count.
No more hunger to feel a touch
From someone who might love or care.
The void inside once held so much.
Now only painful loss waits there.
Life's overdrafts have left nothing.
So much taken, too little left
To keep my broken heart going.
My bank book and my heart - bereft.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Contest:

06/24 Overdraft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-06-15 21:30

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Too Little, So Much" effectively uses the metaphor of financial bankruptcy to convey emotional depletion. This is a compelling concept that could resonate with many readers. However, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery to fully explore this metaphor.

For instance, the phrase "overdrawn in my heart" is a powerful image, but it is repeated without much variation in "My bank book and my heart - bereft." To avoid redundancy and to deepen the metaphor, consider exploring other aspects of financial hardship that could symbolize emotional struggles.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While it's clear that the speaker is emotionally depleted, the poem doesn't provide many specific examples or images to show this. For example, instead of saying "wasted acts, empty motion," consider showing the reader what these wasted acts look like.

Lastly, the rhythm and rhyme scheme of the poem are generally consistent, which helps to create a sense of unity. However, there are a few lines that disrupt this rhythm, such as "From someone who might feel or care." Adjusting these lines to fit the established meter could improve the flow of the poem.

In summary, the poem has a strong central metaphor and consistent rhythm, but could be improved with more varied language, concrete imagery, and consistent meter.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Sat, 2024-06-15 19:34