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Together We Can Celebrate

Submitted by William Lynn on Thu, 2023-12-21 12:19

I never read the entire book
But I know what it must say,
It says that we must congregate,
It says that we must pray.

But how is it so many others
Have different books that say,
"You must adhere to different rules,
Choose a different way to pray"?

It seems that every faith on earth
Believes they and only they,
Have the answers to all problems
And only they can show the way.

There are those that loudly claim
That they heard a righteous call,
But to see their faith in action
Is what matters most of all.

There are those of every faith
Living lives of quiet grace,
Others claiming righteousness,
Living lives of sad disgrace.

If we choose a different path
Than our neighbors choose to take,
Or if we choose no path at all,
Does that a sinner have to make?

Let's celebrate our common callings
Let us spread peace and joy and love,
Walking divergent paths of hope and faith
Guided by a common grace above.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Contest:

Neopoet Weekly 12/17/23 to 12/23/23

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-12-21 18:20

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Together We Can Celebrate" presents a thoughtful exploration of religious diversity and unity. The use of rhyming couplets throughout the poem provides a rhythmic structure that aids in the delivery of the message. However, the meter is inconsistent, which could disrupt the flow for the reader.

The poem's theme is clear and effectively communicated, questioning the exclusivity of religious beliefs and promoting unity and acceptance. The use of rhetorical questions is a powerful tool to engage readers and encourage them to reflect on the topic.

The poem could benefit from a more vivid use of imagery. While the abstract concepts are well-articulated, concrete images could help to ground these ideas and make them more relatable to the reader.

The concluding stanza effectively summarizes the poem's message, advocating for peace, joy, and love despite divergent paths. However, the phrase "common grace above" could be interpreted in different ways. If it's intended to refer to a shared divine entity, it might contradict the poem's earlier questioning of religious exclusivity.

Lastly, the poem's title, "Together We Can Celebrate," could be reevaluated. While it aligns with the poem's message of unity, it doesn't fully encapsulate the poem's exploration of religious diversity. A more nuanced title might better represent the poem's content and draw in readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-12-21 12:48

Dear Will,

this is real beauty of wisdom in your poem. my favorite lines are:

Let's celebrate our common callings
Let us spread peace and joy and love,
Walking divergent paths of hope and faith
Guided by a common grace above.

I have believed since I was a teen, that we each have our own paths to walk. you have put it so masterfully with your rhymes. very well done!

*happy holidays, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

William Lynn

Thu, 2023-12-21 16:24

Hello Cat.

I'm so glad you enjoyed my poem. I have debated for a few weeks if the week before Christmas was the right or wrong time to introduce the poem. In the end, I decided that it was the most appropriate time to send it to the stream.

We do indeed have our own paths to walk and if we can walk paths of faith together, perhaps their are other paths we can walk and appreciate the journey along the way. Best wishes this holiday season and always. - Will

author comment

Unca Fez

Thu, 2023-12-21 13:01

Celebrate What We Have In Common

The focus on our differences seems to only divide us. Rather, we should focus on what we have in common. No matter what beliefs we are taught and what we finally claim as our own, in so many ways, we all desire the same things: peace, safety, friends, family. Your poem says this beautifully.

Thanx,
Steve

William Lynn

Thu, 2023-12-21 16:28

Hello Steve. Nice to meet Cat

Hello Steve. Nice to meet Cat's other half.

I appreciate your taking the time to read the poem and appreciate your comments. We do indeed, desire the same things for the most part, and hopefully our commonality can bridge some divides. Hope springs eternal! Happy Holidays, Will

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2023-12-21 18:50