Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Thoughts as Twilight Falls

Submitted by Alex Tanner on Sun, 2022-12-11 05:51

These futile words what can they mean?
Any fool can hope and dream,
Put pen to paper, easy to do.
But it takes a man to see dreams through.

Am I a Man?
I sometimes wish I could be more than shape and form,
What should I fear as darkness falls?
Soon night must come, and then,
No more.

Not true, I shall be all I loved,
In them I live as memories,
As my bones in the grave decay as rust,
So I live on though my flesh be dust.

And you my love,
My angel.
Fair as any that walked this earth.
Will you recall,
When I am gone those sweet,sweet times we spent alone?

Or will your memory of me fade?.
As lands eroded by creeping tides.
For death will have his way and I’m
afraid,
You will forget.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2022-12-11 14:59

We all...

have the wish, that we are remembered. We claim our territory amongst the living and wonder if we will be ousted by the new memories. Will there be just a little spot for us? The divide between the two realms cannot be pierced and so we cannot know.
I would like to think that we are all granted at least some modicum of remembrance. I like the wistfulness of this one. I don't
see anything I would change. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Alex Tanner

Sun, 2022-12-11 16:00

Thoughts

Thank you Geez.
Alex.

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Sun, 2022-12-11 16:16

These futile words what can

These futile words what can they mean?
Any fool can hope and dream,
Put pen to paper, easy to do.
But it takes a man to see dreams through.

Am I a Man? I sometimes wish
I could be more than shape and form,
What should I fear as darkness falls?
Soon night must come, and then, no more.

Not true, I shall be all I loved,
In them I live as memories,
As my bones in the grave decay as rust,
So I live on though my flesh be dust.

And you my love, My angel.
Fair as any that walked this earth.
Will you recall, when I am gone
those sweet, sweet times we spent alone?

Or will your memory of me fade?.
As lands eroded by creeping tides.
For death will have his way and I’m
afraid, you will forget.

Beautiful,
Tim

Alex Tanner

Sun, 2022-12-11 17:37

Thoughts

Thank you Tim. Your comments are greatly appreciated and I make adjustments to my work in the file on my pc. It is my intention, when I have sufficient completed works to find a local artist who can illustrate them and I will then publish, at my own expense if I must. I may have mentioned that several are very explicit and I shall title the compilation. 'Of Love and Lust'. In the meantime thank you once again for your interest and advice.
Alex

author comment

Lavender

Sun, 2022-12-11 19:49