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Tells

Submitted by Indivisible_Origin on Fri, 2023-02-24 20:32

let your weddings
take the witnesses
my murders don’t want
words don't let us down
it's the other way around
as we play chess with echoes
of the best ones we've had
cuts given gleefully
gotten and glad
scar over swiftly
but seldom sink in
cards held to chest
burn into skin
bluffing gets gone
when the tells
have been told
what then is love
but the words
we both know
how many witnesses
do you think you need
I just want one
and she’s looking at me

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Abby

Fri, 2023-02-24 21:58

This is the first poem of

This is the first poem of yours that I’ve read but I quite enjoyed it. You wrote several lines that I simply loved reading. For example, “as we play chess with echoes.” I think that line is genius. I think that while my understanding of your message isn’t complete, I was still able to enjoy your work.

"To fly is to fall."

Rosewood Apothecary

Sat, 2023-02-25 05:13

This is really good

If you wanna write and record something we could mess with this. The poker references lend themselves to some twangy reverb laden Telecaster riffs. I’m just hearing like some Waylon Jennings coming through this thing.

It’s also loosely rigid and fits into a standard time signature. That’s usually a good start.

Tim

Geezer

Sat, 2023-02-25 11:56

You really...

should take him up on the offer! I did and was rewarded with a beautiful song that he recorded, called " Sapphire's Song"
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Tells