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Summer's here! Hooray!!!!!
Let's splash and play!
Let's sing and dance!
It's time for adventure, and romance!
Summer's finally here, hooray!
What a beautiful day!
I wish it would last forever,
such a wonderful pleasure.
And, to my satisfaction, summer's here, hooray!
Enjoy it in every way,
from the seeds of the watermelon,
to the way the flowers are smellin'!
Summer's actually here, hooray!
On beach towels we must lay!
At this time memories are made!
Let's eat ice cream and drink lemonade!
Hooray! Hooray! Summer is here today!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I am so happy! School ended on Thursday, June 8th! Next year I will be in middle school.
But first, we have summer!!!!
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Wed, 2017-06-14 21:53
lyrics
This could be a very good lyric. I have just started a workshop on Song Lyric vs Poetry..about their differences and similarities. Please join
As a young person interested poetry I I would love to guide you on your journey of poetry. The first thing in honesty, and it appears you certainly honestly like summer! But the poem lacks any mystery,
metaphor (summer is LIKE this image or that image) . Most song lyrics have to be one dimensional, and that second dimension is what will come. You will learn as you read more. I can provide you with a reading list of poets you would very much enjoy, who you would understand, and learn from. are you interested?
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
wesley snow
Thu, 2017-06-15 15:16
Workshop?
What workshop? Do you mean the thread?
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
scribbler
Wed, 2017-06-14 22:51
Hello
You brought back happy memories to an old fart who has come to dread summer due to increasing heat intolerance. But Do remember when summer was a time of fun mixed with work and a season during which I met the love of my life who has stayed by my side for almost 43 years. Thank you......stan
QueenS.L.O.W.Th...
Fri, 2017-06-16 22:59
Heat
It's always too hot in the summer. Always. But that is what water balloons are for!
author commentRula
Thu, 2017-06-15 09:21
Hello young lady
nice to meet you!
I read your profile and guess what, I am really happy to see a young poetess among us to tell us more about youth problems and interests. Isn't that great! As I was reading your piece, I could hear the voice of my two young sons (11 and 14 years old) and their peers celebrating the summer vacation.
A very apt writing for a young poet. Thumbs up!
Please keep these innocent writings coming.
Welcome to Neopoet.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
QueenS.L.O.W.Th...
Fri, 2017-06-16 23:04
Hello!
Always a pleasure to meet new folks.
Thank you, and I will.
author commentwesley snow
Thu, 2017-06-15 15:14
I liked the rhyme,
but it was inconsistent and not enough.
Though the subject was fun even though I agree with Stan that the heat is something to dread.
Let's get back to work when you can.
I will put this poem on file with the other two (yes, I'm keeping them).
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
QueenS.L.O.W.Th...
Fri, 2017-06-16 23:08
Wesley
How could I make the rhyme more consistent? I might need help with that.
You are keeping them? Wow.
author commentwesley snow
Fri, 2017-06-16 23:56
Don't worry overmuch about your rhyme structure.
Concentrate on our lessons as is and keep writing as you are writing. It's wonderful.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
weirdelf
Sun, 2017-06-18 00:02
Onya Roar!
I can see you have taken people's advice to heart and are practising different rhyming schemes and using other poetic devices like assonance. Sometimes as we read and learn we start using techniques without even realising it.
Which poets are you reading at the moment? I'd like to know.
The sheer exuberance of this poem carries it over the pretty lumpy meter. And! you! don't! need! all! those! exclamation! marks! Your words carry the fervour. I'd leave only the ones after hooray! Not sure about the word choice of 'satisfaction', maybe something a bit stronger or snappier?
Now I'm gonna get in trouble. I disagree with your mentor. Sorry, Wes, but I can't see how the rhyme is 'inconsistent and not enough'. Don't let this confuse you, Roar, I'm sure I would understand in context of the lessons.
Anyway, good going, I look forward to your next one.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
QueenS.L.O.W.Th...
Mon, 2017-06-26 00:34
Hello!
Okay, I'm sorry for not responding for such a long time. I don't know if you will read this. I've been on vacation, so I just now saw this.
I'm not currently reading any poets actually.
Yeah, your right. But, in my defense, I was really happy when I wrote it. Should I fix that or keep it how it is? How about, 'And, to my hearts desire, summer is here! Hooray!
Yay!
Thank you for reading my poem,
Rory
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2017-06-26 03:33
Fix it or keep it,
it's always up to you in the end. You will get a lot of advice here on Neopoet, most of it good, but sometimes it can swamp your own, special, voice. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and say "no! It's mine and it stays this way!"
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
wesley snow
Sun, 2017-06-18 09:34
Listen to him Roar!
He's right! Even about the rhyme! It's great! You just keep on keeping on! Oh, and you don't need ALL of the exclamation marks.
We'll talk about assonance. It's a great tool for you to use.
See you when you get back from vacation. I have a gift for you that I hope you like.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about