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beryl emerald (Imagery workshop)
The Summer sun's sheen,
Spring's tree leaves, a green so bold,
Winter's icicles, smooth and cold,
The decoration of Fall's stunning Halloween
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Still haven't done the first assignment. Good job me. [sarcasm]
I'm not sure if there is much imagery in this. Working on it.
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
jane210660
Fri, 2017-06-30 05:28
Hi there Rory
Lovely to see you.
I think your stanza is chock full of imagery. Practically every word conjures up amazing images, both direct and indirect.
I tend to overthink things, then I get bogged down. Don't overthink, imho, you've pulled a blinder - as they say.
Jxx
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QueenS.L.O.W.Th...
Fri, 2017-06-30 19:00
Hello!
Great to see you too.
Thank you! I, personally, thought it was a little cheesy.
author commentjane210660
Sat, 2017-07-01 05:59
Lol
I didn't say it wasn't cheesy haha.
But the imagery abounds.
Grins
Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
scribbler
Fri, 2017-06-30 13:00
hello!
I'm assuming you intended some indirect or inferred imagery to be in this. There's imagery aplenty and that's the problem lol. In indirect imagery you want to leave something for the reader to imagine. So an easy fix would be :
The Summer sun,
Spring's tree leaves,,
Winter's icicles,,
Fall's stunning Halloween
I know this eliminates the rhyme but you can rework it to get that back. Remember the words not spoken are the indirect imagery..........stan PS now get that 1st exercise done lol
wesley snow
Fri, 2017-06-30 13:57
Indirect imagery.
The stone awaits.
Pickaxe puzzle.
Where to look.
Men sweat and die.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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