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Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats (stripped imagery workshop)

My heart aches, and numbness pains
My sense,
One minute passed:
Not through envy of thy happy,
But being too happy in happiness,
That thou, Dryad
In some plot,
Of trees, and shadows,
Singest of summer.

O, for vintage! that hath been
Cooled an age by earth,
Tasting of country,
Dance, and song, and mirth!
O for a beaker full of the South,
Full of the Hippocrene,
With bubbles at the brim,
And stained mouth;
That I drink and leave,
And with thee fade into forest:

Fade away, solve, and forget,
What thou has never known,
The weariness, the fever, and the fret,
Where men hear each other,
Where palsy shakes last hairs,
Where youth ages and dies,
Where to think is sorrow,
And despair,
Where beauty can not keep her eyes,
Or Love pine them to-morrow.

Away! Away! For I will fly to thee,
Not charioted,
But on wings,
Though the brain perplexes:
Alright with thee! tender is the night,
The Moon-Queen on her throne,
Clustered by her Fays;
But there is no light,
Save what the breezes blown,
Through glooms and ways.

I cannot see what is at my feet,
Nor what hangs upon the boughs,
But, in darkness, guess each,
Wherewith the month endows,
The grass, the thicket, and the wild,
Hawthorn, and eglantine,
Violets, covered in leaves,
And May's child,
The musk-rose,
The haunt of flies on summer eves.

Dark I listen, for many a time,
Half in love with Death,
Called name in a rhyme,
In to the air, my breath;
Now more than ever it seems to die,
Upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pour thy soul abroad,
In such an ecstasy!
Still woulds't though sing, have ears in vain,
To thy become a sod.

Not born for death, immortal bird!
No generation tread the down,
The voice I heard this night, heard
By emperor and clown,
The song that found a path
Through the heart of Ruth, sick for home,
Stood in tears amid the corn,
The same that hath
Charmed casements, opening for the foam,
Of seas in faery lands.

Forlorn!
To toll back from me myself,
Adieu! the fancy cannot cheat so well,
As she is fam'd to do,
Adieu! Adieu! thy anthem fades,
Past the meadow, over the stream,
Up the hill and buried,
In the valley;
Was it a vision, or a dream?
Fled is that music; Do I wake or sleep?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Wow that sucked. I apologize, this was very hard for me for some reason. Definitely not the best work..... I know there is more imagery to be stripped, I just can't tell where. I like the original poem, but I don't get the title.
Editing stage: 

Comments

He is probably my favorite poet (also though I must confess a love for Byron and of course Bill Shakespeare).
It is good you were exposed to this. I know he is hard to tear down. Every word reeks of imagery. To strip the imagery from his poetry means removing virtually every word.

Go to my profile and find "When I have fears" that I submitted for the workshop. Read the original. It is perhaps my favorite poem of all.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Will do.

author comment

It's almost impossible to entirely stip all imagery from a poem and still maintain its integrity. But this is bare enough for shop purposes

thanks.

author comment
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