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Beryl emerald (Imagery workshop)
Extensive dreams of shine and hopes of stunning shimmer,
frozen antifreeze immersed in earth is still waiting to glimmer.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words:
Two things;
Number one, I kind of skipped the first assignment and went with two lines (I was supposed to do two lines eventually though, right?).
Number two, frozen antifreeze. Yes, that makes sense Rory. (;
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Sparrow
Fri, 2017-06-30 04:33
Rory
I have been writing for quite a few years now, and you are so right to ask now for help in becoming a great writer.
Now is the time to learn and act on others comments and ask questions even of your own work, like should I ?? or was this the correct way??
I have a Grand Daughter of 16 years old she is here as "Purple Hobbit"
This write is very good Imagery the only word I would question is the use of "antifreeze" but there is a species of frog that can be frozen, and when thawed out seems to be unharmed, as it has a system of adapting to the extremes of climate. Whether this is due to antifreeze in its body not sure.
"Frozen life" to me would fit better but at my age, I just put on another layer of cloths lol.
Take care little one and never be afraid to ask of us,
Yours Ian..
.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
QueenS.L.O.W.Th...
Fri, 2017-06-30 18:51
My chain of thought:
Emeralds are green.
Antifreeze is green and the best green to describe emeralds.
If antifreeze could freeze, it would be smooth and rough at the same time and it would be shiny.
Therefore, frozen antifreeze describes emeralds in a new, imaginative way.
That frog thing is really cool.
Thanks,
Rory
author commentwesley snow
Fri, 2017-06-30 12:57
I am working on my phone. Antifreeze is green therefore emerald.
.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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