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Stop Thinking!!

Submitted by Kristen H. on Sun, 2023-07-30 21:45

Nothing in my brain
Except for this pounding headache
Crushing my skull
And the thoughts of wanting to die.

Never in a million years would I kill myself
But the thought pops into my head once or twice a week.
Today is one of those days.

I wonder what it would be like to die.
To finally feel nothing.

Would it hurt?
Would I bleed?
How would it happen?

Maybe a car accident.
Maybe I'll fall into a coma.
My husband would have to drive down to see me at the hospital
Say his goodbyes
Watch
As the doctor pulls me off of life support.

I don’t even know how to feel anymore.
So I just sit here and write
Hoping it’ll make me tired enough
To stop thinking.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Despite the morbid energy of the poem, this is not at all sensitive to me so feel free to tear this apart piece by piece if you like. I do not currently feel this way, nor do I have these thoughts any longer. This was a poem I wrote a few years back that I am having trouble editing. I'm not quite sure what it needs but it doesn't feel right to leave it as is. Any help is appreciated <3
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Explicit Content
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neopoet

Mon, 2023-07-31 03:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively uses raw and vivid imagery to convey a sense of despair and internal struggle. The use of rhetorical questions also enhances the introspective nature of the piece, inviting readers to engage with the speaker's contemplations. However, it's important to consider the potential impact of such heavy themes on your audience.

The structure of the poem is free verse, which allows for a more natural flow of thoughts and emotions. However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of literary devices such as metaphor, simile, or personification to enrich the imagery and deepen the emotional resonance.

The poem's ending, where the speaker turns to writing as a means of coping, could be developed further. This could provide a more profound exploration of the therapeutic potential of writing, which could add another layer of depth to the poem.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more precise language. For example, instead of "I don’t even know how to feel anymore," consider using more specific language to describe the speaker's emotional state. This could enhance the reader's understanding and empathy.

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