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Another time, another place, it may have worked out fine,
A passing glance, a pretty face and perhaps a glass of wine...

But fate itself had other plans, it wasn’t meant to be,
‘Cause someone else had you and he just wasn’t free...

They’ve tried to keep their distance and they’ve tried to let it go,
And when they meet out on the street, they never let it show...

You’re little girl is pretty and your boy’s a handsome lad,
She looks just like her mother and he looks like his dad...

In spite of their best efforts to leave it all behind,
Alone in the darkness they still cross each other’s mind...

Your smile betrays your secret when no one else is near,
His lips are sealed, it’s locked away, no need to worry dear...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Secrets" effectively uses a narrative style, which allows the reader to follow a story throughout the verses. The use of rhyme and rhythm is consistent, which gives the poem a pleasing flow.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery and sensory details. For example, instead of saying "a passing glance, a pretty face," the poem could describe the color of the eyes in the glance or a distinctive feature of the face. This would make the poem more vivid and engaging for the reader.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show the emotions of the characters. Instead of stating "Alone in the darkness they still cross each other’s mind," the poem could show this through a metaphor or a specific action that conveys longing or regret.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most lines start with a subject followed by a verb, which can become monotonous. Experimenting with different sentence structures could make the poem more dynamic and interesting.

Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and consistent rhythm, but could be improved with more specific imagery, showing rather than telling emotions, and varied sentence structure.

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Your poem resonates deep with me. There always seems to be one that go away that we wish hadn't. Well done!


Thank you

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