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Sans Titre
Trapped in her beauty
The rayograph
“I was created to make men crazy”
The breast of Kiki de Montparnasse
Cupped in the hand of light
The black & white phantom
Mac the Knife
Burning through
The bestial shrine
Of her dreaming self
The art of identity which is not
The enigma of the living self
The flower of her lover’s mouth
As she would reveal it
Between the shutters
Of her offered mons veneris
The vale of the goddess
Which makes all women
Both human and Devine
Sade Jesus
Caught for eternity
In the masters shadow mirror
The first & the last
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-19 05:36
dearest John,
it brings me great joy to see you posting poems. thank you. these are my favorite lines:
Caught for eternity
In the masters shadow mirror
The first & the last
*much admiration, Cat & eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dalton
Sun, 2023-02-19 08:50
TY dear friend
Kiki de Montparnasse was the muse of surrealist photographer or photographer associated with the surrealist movement :):):)
author commentDalton
Sun, 2023-02-19 08:52
Dearest Cat
I meant to say muse of Man Ray
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-19 15:14
I love the concept...
of a shadow mirror! it is something I will explore. thank you for the idea!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Seren
Sun, 2023-02-19 12:21
Dear John
I see nothing I'd change in this and like Cat I tried to find lines to share but I love them all.
I often get taught something new from your poetry your deep passion shines brightly.
Love and hugs Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Dalton
Sun, 2023-02-19 17:46
TY dear Jayne
It’s kind comments from nice people like you that gives me confidence to submit my poems again :):):)
author commentEmerald1
Mon, 2023-02-20 04:57
Love it
John
Love this piece , it flows really nicely with nicely structured short lines , the narrative a female somehow trapped and damaged by man , I understand this is a surrealist piece and the photographer Man Ray has captured his lover Kiki in one of his Rayographs and in surrealist tradition she speaks as she is trapped of how she was created in this state to drive men crazy.The imagery of her breasts caught in this black and white rayograph is surreal
Her unreal self in this type of image created by Man Ray imagines the womaniser Mc Heath taking her as he did so many women in his day .Trapped in the rayograph knowing she isnt real she cannot give herself and reveal the mysteries of her true self .as I read it and dear poet you know I can sometimes misread ,the next verse is a homage to the female body parts that make women human and godlike , hers in this piece behind the photographers shutter as she is trapped in the image , if real these shutters when opened would give access to the sacred sexual core of the female the part that make her human and divine .Here in this surrealist creation by Man Ray and this wonderful poem all is captured and held by the photographer mirror , love everything about this the imagery , the sensual way you portray what makes a woman human and divine , the language choices and how you made a surreal image express itself
Interesting I read a picture he created of KIKI has become the most valuable image ever traded
Super poem dearest friend and poet and as always if my comments are in any way misconstruing your intentions Im only too happy to edit
Thanks J
Mx
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-02-20 05:08
dear Em1
I read your fantastic review of John's poem, and then reread the poem itself. (I want to thank you for this as it gave me new eyes to see the heart and soul) thank you!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Seren
Mon, 2023-02-20 06:29
I agree with you Cat, her
I agree with you Cat, her review its excellent!!! It also made me go back and review it again.
I am working on being more thorough.
Kindest Regards to all Seren/Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Emerald1
Mon, 2023-03-06 03:59
Thanks Cat
Sorry Cat I havent been on here in last few days ,some issues with access at times, thanks for your kind words about my review , Im glad it helped you enjoy the poem , Im always glad to read others reviews of poems when Im writing one as we all see things slightly differently and anothers words can help .I have to say John is my favourite poet and I get real pleasure reading and as we call it ranting on his poems .
Keep well
Cheers Em 1
Dalton
Mon, 2023-02-20 13:04
Jayne
TY DEAR Jayne
author comment