Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Perceive The Moment
Irene depresses the cassette
Button
The usual negative sex propaganda
You should learn to inure yourself
To such things
Because it is illegal in our society
To discuss
The nature of God
The boundaries of faith
Do not limit
The nature of human understanding
If I can’t talk to you
What is left of desire?
I am only naked with you
Without your eyes to look upon me
My body has no purpose
Merely a cacophony of neuroses
Who told you
You were naked?
The poet says:
Preserve this moment
The cycle is repeated
The time traveller says:
Did you enjoy this gift
I gave you?
(Written as Fallen Minstrel)
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2023-02-19 21:16
I am...
a little confused about the relationship of the person to Irene. Is she a therapist? Are the poet and the time traveler one and the same? Just those answers should provide some ideas about this piece. ~ Geezer.
.,
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Dalton
Mon, 2023-02-20 09:48
Hi Kat
Thanks for your kind words maybe read Emerald’s review and my response below to better understand the poem a little more or perhaps my intentions in writing regards John xxx
author commentEmerald1
Mon, 2023-02-20 04:17
John
John
Love this it reads beautifully , dealing with themes familiar in your writing of repression and restriction and your never faltering belief in the value of freedom, in these opening lines the value of the freedom of thought is questioned as Irene is suggesting to her partner that he inure himself to the bombardment by media of society by gratuitous sexual matter You look at our attitude to our nakedness , are we only truly valued as naked in the presence of another does only someone else's opinion of our naked body validate its worth, the genesis episode and the loss of innocence also could be relevant asking "Who told you you were naked "?at the awakening of the senses when the idea was first conceived , I wonder if this nakedness reference could also refer to the full exposure of our hearts and souls to those lovers .Our bodies are made to be loved and honoured and being naked alone is an empty experience
Freedom of expression is so important and being able to speak openly to a lover about the nature of God, boundaries of faith and human understanding is essential for intimacy . the lovers here are encouraged to preserve the moments because without the other they are lessened ,in joining they are fulfilled. I love how you bring out how love and being with a lover with whom you can discuss anything is such a fulfilling experience without your eyes to look upon me my nakedness is as nothing , valueless .Another gem from you my dearest friend and poet extraordinaire and as ever if I have misconstrued any of your poetic intentions I will gladly edit etc this rant
Thanks J
M x
Dalton
Mon, 2023-02-20 09:45
Dearest Mar
As always you read me better than anyone and your viewpoint in your beautiful reviews are more important to me than any friend. I have been pondered by another reader is the Irene figure a psychoanalyst something I wish to discuss in time in future verses. Of course myself personally I believe I’m the first psychoanalyst I’ve spoken to many in the past I’ve only ever trusted one the first I ever spoke to. I’ve not spoken to her in 20 years. So personally I prefer to explore these questions as you say notions of sexuality enforced by the media and personal freedoms on every level. As for the poem it’s for the reader to decide whose speaking at which moment the lover (male partner) or beloved (female partner) the word beloved to me has always been a feminine imprint to me. Also in Sufism the word Beloved is an epithet for God. Is a person naked only in a lover’s presence as we don’t notice our nudity unless we’re beneath another’s gaze. Of course I’m deeply touched by the Genesis story echoed in the lines as you noted “who told you you were naked” and the question am I human or divine beneath your gaze and the most important question to me which turns full circle to the psychoanalysts question “how can I love a person if I cannot talk to her.” I think I’m echoing your review but I love that you always understand me without me needing to explain anything except through the meat of the poem itself as always I’ve enjoyed this conversation immensely love John :):):)
author commentEmerald1
Mon, 2023-02-20 10:07
Thank you dearest J
John
Thanks for you confidence in my reading of and comments on your wonderful poems as always , and for your comments above which always enlighten me further , all our conversations are certainly immensely enjoyable , Love Mar xx
Dalton
Mon, 2023-02-20 12:47
Dearest Mar
TY habibti xxx
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2023-02-22 04:43
You asked Thus................
''To my mind this appears to be a dialogue between a narcissist and the sexual person bringing in divinity .Totally out of context... This makes it a work of confusion... A mystery between two persons with totally diverse views,nothing in common.
The only credit I would give to this vague and abstract poem is,it is very good since the poet and reader are not in conformity .The two must devise a system of words spoken not interwoven in such diverse and ambiguous ways .
Hope you will bear with me .I will delete my entire comment,if it relieves the obscurity that surrounds this volatile piece of poetry .Yes thanks for the opportunity. I have spent a good number of hours swimming in the thesaurus and learnt a great deal .
To my simplistic mind a poem must speak out and not leave a poet/reader in lurch .No one has time to read such mystery ''Rgds
Dalton
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:13
Hi Lovedly
It was intentionally based on disparity the main theme being “How can I love you if we can’t talk” maybe I need to clarify these a little more in the verse :)
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:22
May be
If you do
'twill be ok by me
I learned quite a few words
searching thro
the
you know what....
hope your purpose was served
Dalton
Sun, 2023-03-26 14:16
Thanks
Thanks Lovedly themes I’m experimenting with for the first time here so it won’t always be perfect but I do believe that’s important to grow and evolve as a writer of poetry cheers John :)
author commentlovedly
Mon, 2023-03-27 00:20
Yes
Get an
AI over view