Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Quiet Black
My imagination can be a quiet place for argument.
When no one speaks in English,
we argue in Russian, or Ukrainian.
The war somehow survives, that argument.
And more people die.
For politicians that can be agreeable.
For me,
I am a bystander
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-08-21 03:01
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Quiet Black" explores the idea of using imagination as a quiet space for argument. The use of different languages, such as Russian and Ukrainian, adds depth to the concept of communication and conflict. The poem also touches upon the destructive nature of war and the indifference of politicians.
One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more specific details or imagery to enhance the reader's understanding and emotional connection to the poem. This could help to create a more vivid and engaging experience. Additionally, consider exploring the theme of being a bystander in more depth, perhaps by delving into personal feelings or observations.
Overall, the poem has potential, but further development in terms of imagery and emotional depth could strengthen its impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Mon, 2023-08-21 10:23
I understand...
the quiet place for argument, I've been to that little cell
where I can posit my views against "the others."
You should add an [ess] to [speaks] in the second line.
I feel very strong emotions here, as though you feel like your views are not valued.
I also see that although you are not a soldier, you feel the deaths as acutely as any
who pull the trigger. Not that you feel responsible, just the huge loss of life.
No matter how the loss comes about, it's there. A big empty hole that will never be repaired.
I grieve for your country, yes, even the world. We are a species on a fast track to extinction.
Good work, ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.