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Questions of the heart?

Submitted by Leslie on Fri, 2023-11-24 11:23

When the winter wind blows cold,
down that old lane of ours.
I’ll be thinking I was yours.
and you were mine?
Did we look around to find,
the love we left behind?
Did we have the common sense
to give it one more try.
All these questions fill my head,
and I just don't know why,
but I guess we’ll both find out
on down the line.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Last few words:

Some songs are hard to sing others impossible to find. You just push them into darkness to strike you from behind!

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2023-11-24 17:24

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively uses a narrative style and a conversational tone, which can make it more relatable to readers. The use of rhetorical questions throughout the poem helps to convey a sense of uncertainty and introspection, which is fitting for the theme of lost love.

However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. For example, instead of simply stating "down that lane of ours", the poet could describe the lane in more detail to create a stronger image in the reader's mind.

The rhythm and meter of the poem are somewhat inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For instance, the line "Did we have the common sense" has more syllables than most of the other lines. The poet might consider revising this line to maintain a more consistent rhythm.

The poem's ending leaves room for interpretation, which can be a strength. However, it might be more impactful if the poet provided more insight into the speaker's emotions or thoughts about the situation. This could make the ending more poignant and memorable.

Lastly, the poem's title, "Questions of the heart?", is fitting for the poem's theme and content. However, it might be more intriguing if it was less direct and more metaphorical or symbolic. This could create more curiosity and interest in the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Fri, 2023-11-24 15:45

I like everything about this...

but have a suggestion for the line that says:" Did we have the sensibility...
I would use [common sense]. I know, it is more mundane and drab, but the rhythm should be paramount.

"and I don't understand why?"
I think you can smooth this one out by saying; [and I wonder why?]

Of course, my suggestions, as always, are subject to use and abuse or just trash.
Use them as is, use them in your own way or in the disposal unit. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Geezer

Fri, 2023-11-24 17:17

Oh yeah...

I like it! Nicely done, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Geezer

Fri, 2023-11-24 17:17

Oh yeah...

I like it! Nicely done, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Leslie

Sat, 2023-11-25 00:38

Geezer...

I'm glad that you saw something
good here. Personally I saw nothing
Not even anything of worth. Would
you mind greatly to punctuate it. I just
can't figure it out?

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2023-11-25 08:59

I think...

your punctuation is just fine. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Leslie

Sat, 2023-11-25 09:06

Geez

Thanks man! How do I enter more than one poem a day.
Is there a way if I enter a contest and if so how do I
go about doing it!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

author comment

Tawny023

Sat, 2023-11-25 06:34

Nice

I enjoyed this poem and it left me with hope that the couple will recapture their love or at least provide each with amicable closure.

Leslie

Sat, 2023-11-25 07:16