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PRE NINTENDO

I travel back in time once more
by way of aroused memory
using that fantastical door
to revisit the childhood me.

To young woods on my uncle's farm
beside two track road which ran a ridge
on a bright fall day middling warm
barely in view of an old bridge.

There reclined an old sawdust pile
and a huge rusty old saw blade;
no house for nearly half a mile
a hundred yards to closest glade.

That sawdust pile became a fort
from which bad guys were often shot
(my stick gun fired without retort)
I spent endless hours at that spot.

The saw blade became a target
which rang with every rock I threw
sometimes almost until sunset
there where all the wild things grew.

All these times on my own playground
no thought to all of the hard work
Which had taken place there all around.
The sweat shed by men who didn't shirk.

But in distant hindsight I now see
uncle and cousins all toiling there
while that saw cut up what would be
the home which they would later share.

Perhaps I should not be held to blame
for how could any young child know
how his elders came to tame
the lands where their off spring would grow?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the title, and the sentiments are clear and moving. The syllable count remain constant between 8 and 9. By a long stretch I can see 'memory' and 'me' as slant rhyme; but 'there' and 'shirk' ?

Since 'work' and 'shirk' are also slant rhymes how about:

All these times on my own playground
I thought not of all the hard work
Which had taken place there all around.
The sweat shed by men who didn't shirk.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

you already corrected the late night typo so thank you. Appreciate your input

author comment

good recount of childhood memories in the verses...

to add to what tyro has comment would the following change improve the rhythm?

there where all the wild things grew.
[to where all the wild things grew]

the poem throws light on how childhood perspectives change over time as nicely brought out in the concluding stanza which leaves a mark...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

Appreciate the input but your suggestion would result in "sometimes almost until sunset to where all the wild things grew". I think replacing where with to would not work.......stan

author comment

No issues Stan...it was just a suggestion nothing more than that.
.......................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

suggestions are welcome even if not used

author comment

No critique to offer up,
really enjoyed the tale and appreciate the craft.

Obi.

I'm pleased you enjoyed it........stan

author comment
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