Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
CITY OF SILENCE
I slowly stroll in dark of night
down a concrete city walk,
not another soul in sight
no one at all with whom to talk
no throb of life just silence.
these canyons of concrete and steel
nearly block off all the stars.
Neon signs flash their appeal.
So late the streets are bare of cars
which reinforces all the silence.
My hearing expands as I go
searching the emptiness for sound.
I strain to hear but even so
there's naught but darkness all around
which absorbs everything but silence.
Then my ears are turned inward
to hear the grit beneath my heel
as I try to turn my thoughts to word
and somehow make them become real
Anything to overcome the silence.
Now I hear my lone heart beat
its steady rhythm in my chest
supplying a backbeat to my feet
while the quiet builds to a crest
of an almost palpable silence.
I stop outside the old courthouse.
Even the wind has ceased to blow.
My thoughts scurry like a mouse
while inside emptiness continues to grow
in a direct correlation to
the silence
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
OK. I reckon you noticed each stanza ends with the same word. There is likely a technical term for the but I don't know what it is lol
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-08-11 17:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "City of Silence" presents a vivid depiction of a desolate urban landscape. The repetition of the word "silence" throughout the poem effectively underscores the theme, creating a sense of isolation and emptiness.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied and descriptive language. While the repetition of "silence" is effective, it could be more impactful if paired with a wider range of descriptors. For example, instead of simply stating "no throb of life just silence," the poet could describe the specific elements of the city that contribute to this silence, such as the absence of people, the lack of movement, or the stillness of the air.
The poem also uses a consistent rhyme scheme, which helps to create a rhythm and flow. However, there are a few instances where the rhythm is disrupted, such as in the line "Neon signs flat their appeal." This line could be reworked to better fit the established rhythm.
In terms of structure, the poem could benefit from more consistent stanza lengths. The varying lengths can create a sense of unpredictability, but they can also disrupt the flow of the poem. Consistent stanza lengths could provide a more stable framework for the poem, allowing the reader to better focus on the content.
Lastly, the poem's exploration of inner and outer silence is intriguing, but it could be developed further. The transition from the external silence of the city to the internal silence of the poet's thoughts is a bit abrupt. Providing more detail or context could help to smooth this transition and deepen the exploration of this theme.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
scribbler
Fri, 2023-08-11 22:21
OK guys
All ideas have been heard and will be thought on when edit occurs
author commentLavender
Fri, 2023-08-11 23:31
City Of Silence
Hi, Stan,
Such an eerie feel, here. The concrete and the darkness, and the silence. I noticed the fourth stanza only has four lines, and is not an abab rhyme pattern. Is that intentional? The pattern is like a quatrain with somewhat of a refrain, maybe?
I enjoyed this, and have to ask after reading, "Where'd everybody go?"
Thank you,
L
scribbler
Sat, 2023-08-12 09:39
Hello
lol. Not intentional. Result of hurried posting. Will fix shortly
author comment