Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
FOOD PLOT
This field is not an easy one.
CLANG! I hit another rock
with the symbol of plow's disk.
another stone another shock.
No time to toss it from my way.
The plow cuts deepest on the turns
but bury's weed on straight ways too.
The first clouds block the intense sun.
I must get planted ere day's through.
The coming rain will wait I pray.
Time to dodge that lone pine tree
(you'd think by nows I'd cut it down)
but I've let it grow another year.
Each year a crow nests in its crown.
Last week its new brood flew away.
A few more rounds weeds will be plowed under.
then I'll stop near the old gate
to switch over from plow to planter.
I must be quick the rain won't wait.
Over head the sky has become gray.
Dodge that pine and one more rock;
a few small places that I'll miss.
Almost done a few, a few rain drops
which hit the muffler with a hiss.
From the north I see rain come my way
Now a tractor race to the old barn.
I beat the deluge to tractor shed
then dismount and watch the sky open up.
The food plot is now put to bed
or in the ground as old folks say.
So I step on out into the rain
and turn up my face to take it in
satisfied with the day's work
while hearing the rain hit roof's tin
as the water soaks the Carolina clay.
Then Look up toward the house
where I see Susan shake her head
at this old codger in the rain
who should be home and dry instead.
I laugh and head on up her way.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-08-16 00:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and a consistent rhythm to depict the speaker's labor in the field. The narrative is clear and the setting is well established, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the scene.
However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The use of apostrophes in "bury's" and "nows" is confusing, as these words do not typically require contraction. It's suggested to revise these to maintain clarity.
The poem could also benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most lines follow a similar pattern, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Experimenting with different line lengths and structures could add interest and enhance the overall flow of the poem.
The final stanza introduces a new character, Susan, without much context. While it's clear she has some relationship to the speaker, it might be beneficial to provide more information about her earlier in the poem to make her appearance at the end feel more connected to the rest of the narrative.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more use of metaphor or simile to add depth and complexity to the narrative. While the straightforward description of the speaker's work is effective, incorporating more figurative language could enhance the poem's emotional resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
scribbler
Thu, 2023-08-17 21:47
I will give these ideas serious consideration on edit
Which will come pretty soon
author commentpaul Bartoswicz
Wed, 2023-08-30 18:31
Brings back memories
Brings back memories of plowing the field with the old 8N. My body is to beat up now to do it anymore, but I loved those days
scribbler
Fri, 2023-09-01 22:38
Yes those old 8Ns were and still are tough machines.
I am pleased my scratching brought back memories of the old days for you
author comment