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NOT TODAY
Pray the ebony night stays
So I don't look at faces
I prefer silhouettes shaded
distracted by the bite hug
Cold. My tone isn't strong
it's weak and my tongue
held my body closed distance
heading to my destination as
quickly as you can greet me
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-01-16 12:13
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem titled "NOT TODAY." Here is my feedback:
1. Imagery: Your use of imagery in the first two lines is effective in setting the tone of the poem. The phrase "ebony night" creates a sense of darkness and mystery, while "silhouettes shaded" adds to the atmosphere of anonymity and detachment.
2. Tone and Emotion: The poem conveys a sense of detachment and avoidance, as indicated by the line "So I don't look at faces." This creates a feeling of wanting to distance oneself from others. The use of the word "weak" in describing your tone and tongue adds to the vulnerability and fragility of the speaker's emotions.
3. Structure and Flow: The poem has a fragmented structure, with short lines and enjambments. This adds to the sense of disjointedness and unease in the speaker's thoughts. However, be mindful of the punctuation and capitalization to ensure clarity and consistency.
4.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2024-01-16 11:11
I think...
I understand this one.
Not wanting to see too deep into people.
Tongue is spelled wrong, but you got silhouettes right,
that's one I always have to look up. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Tue, 2024-01-16 17:19
Looking too deep
Into people seems to only bring heartbreak when you learn they were able to fake it down to their core. It's easier to live among the shadows than the living.
~RoseBlack~
Jokerface82
Tue, 2024-01-16 18:54
Sometimes
You can't face people or don't want to, but you have to go out for food etc. And sometimes at the till there will be interaction or wherever you are, you would rather be a shadow or a ghost
RoseBlack
Tue, 2024-01-16 19:31
I would definitely
Prefer to be a shadow or a ghost
~RoseBlack~
Jokerface82
Tue, 2024-01-16 19:46
Soon
We will be I can't wait