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My Obituary

Submitted by Clentin on Sat, 2023-11-11 09:11

My obituary speaks of dreams unfulfilled
Of paths untaken and a heart that was stilled
Of love that was given, never returned
Of a life that was taken, never earned

My obituary will speak of a heart so strong
Of moments of joy that didn't last long
A life that was hard, but never complained
Of a soul that was strong, but never gained

My obituary will tell of a life that was short
But was full of love and of joy that was sought
Of a life that was hard and of pain that was endured
But of a heart that stayed strong, never impured

My obituary will speak of a life that was fought
Of battles that were won, but of wars that were not
Of a life that was filled with love and of joy
And of a heart that no one could destroy.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoen Of The Week November 5th to November 11th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Sat, 2023-11-11 15:11

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "My Obituary" is an introspective piece that explores the theme of mortality, life's struggles, and resilience. It demonstrates a strong command of rhythm and rhyme, which contributes to the overall flow and readability of the poem.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved to enhance the poem's impact and clarity. Firstly, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. For instance, instead of stating "Of battles that were won, but of wars that were not", the poet could provide concrete examples of these battles and wars to give readers a clearer picture and deepen their emotional connection to the poem.

Secondly, the poem's theme of resilience in the face of adversity ("Of a heart that stayed strong, never impured") is a powerful one, but it could be developed further. The poet could explore this theme more deeply by delving into the speaker's emotions and experiences, rather than simply stating that they remained strong.

Finally, the poem's structure could be more varied. While the consistent four-line stanzas and ABAB rhyme scheme provide a solid structure, introducing some variation could make the poem more dynamic and engaging. For example, the poet could experiment with different stanza lengths or rhyme schemes, or incorporate some enjambment to break up the rhythm and create surprise.

Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and a compelling theme, but could be enhanced through more specific imagery, deeper exploration of its themes, and more varied structure.

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