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My Nan

Submitted by ES Poetry on Sun, 2023-04-16 19:04

My Nan
My Nan was lovely
She used to say
Five and 20 past the hour
A splinter was a spell and
an excrement was a busy

My Nan was lovely
She used to smell of Imperial Leather
flowers and urine
She would push the VHS tape with her walking stick
that always fell away

My Nan was lovely
She used to knit and drink tea
With the bag left in, to stew
Don’t be rotten! She would say
when she didn’t get her way

My Nan was lovely
She used to let me say up too late
To watch horror films on the TV
When I should have been in bed
I was tired for school the next day

My Nan was eternally
sat in a huge, wingback chair
with curly white hair
that she loved to get brushed
a perm brought her joy

My Nana was lonely
Daily gazing out of the bay window
Watching life carry on outside
Waving to Brenda down the street
As she walked on by

My Nan was embarrassed
Grownups called her housebound
But I didn’t understand
That she couldn’t get up to her bed
Or the toilet on time

My nan was sorry
When Fly Spray killed my goldfish
and I was sad
I cried a lot
It broke her heart

My Nan was my favourite person
I looked after her day and night
House key around my neck
at school, but I didn’t mind
Then one day

My Nan
Got too sad and died
I felt lost without her
I felt she left me behind
But then I remembered

My Nan Doreen
is with her Raymond
together again
reunited

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Last few words:

I am not sure about the ending but I wanted to end on an positive note!

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Sun, 2023-04-16 19:04

Neopoet AI

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "My Nan," is a heartfelt tribute to the poet's grandmother. The poem is divided into two parts, each reflecting on different aspects of the narrator's grandmother's life. The first part celebrates the lovely memories of the grandmother, from her quirky sayings to her smell, knitting, and love for horror movies. The second part takes a more somber turn, delving into the loneliness and struggles that the grandmother faced towards the end of her life. The poem ends on a hopeful note, imagining the grandmother reunited with her loved ones in the afterlife.

The poem uses simple language and straightforward imagery to create a vivid portrait of the grandmother. The repetition of the phrase "My Nan was lovely" throughout the first part evokes a sense of warmth and affection for the grandmother. The grandmother's quirky sayings and habits add a touch of humor and personality to the poem, making the grandmother feel like a real person rather than just a character in a poem.

The second part of the poem, however, is where the poem truly shines. The shift in tone from the first part to the second is jarring but effective. The poem brings to light the struggles that elderly people often face, from loneliness to physical limitations. The narrator's realization of their grandmother's struggles adds a layer of depth to the poem, making it more than just a simple tribute.

Overall, "My Nan" is a touching and well-crafted poem that captures the joys and struggles of the poet's grandmother. The poem's simplicity and straightforwardness add to its emotional impact, making it a poignant tribute to a beloved family member.

Suggested line edit: In the first stanza, the line "an excrement was a busy" could be changed to "an excrement was a 'busy signal'." This would make the grandmother's saying more understandable and relatable to modern readers.

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Geezer

Sun, 2023-04-16 19:36

I loved...

every minute of this! I understood the euphemisms in her speech and recognized the limitations placed on her by her conditions. I also loved the assertion that she would now be with her Raymond! Great stuff!
~ Geezer.
.

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Lavender

Sun, 2023-04-16 22:10