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My Great-Granddaughter

My heart was filled with so much joy and bliss
To meet my newest sweetheart miss

My great granddaughter’s beautiful face
Fills me with such happy grace

Her smile brightens up my darkest day
Her sparkling eyes asking me to stay

So much love, so much to give
Makes us want to really live

Her eyes sparkle with such force
Letting us to feel no remorse remorse

She brings to us a brand new soul
That allows our family to be whole

My wonderful child so precious and dear
Permits my heart to always be near

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses rhyme and rhythm to convey a heartfelt message about family love and connection. However, there are a few areas that could be improved for clarity and depth.

1. Consistency in Rhyme Scheme: The poem starts with an AABB rhyme scheme, but it changes in the last two stanzas. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help maintain the poem's rhythm and flow.

2. Imagery: While the poem does a good job of expressing emotions, it could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. For example, instead of saying "Her smile brightens up my darkest day," consider describing how her smile looks or how it makes the speaker feel in more detail.

3. Use of Clichés: Phrases like "brightens up my darkest day" and "sparkling eyes" are quite common in poetry and may not provide a unique perspective. Try to find fresh, original ways to convey these sentiments.

4. Emotional Depth: The poem could delve deeper into the emotions of the speaker. For example, the line "Allowing us to feel remorse" is intriguing, but it's not clear why the speaker feels remorse. Expanding on this could add a layer of complexity to the poem.

5. Structure: The poem could benefit from a more structured approach to stanzas. Some stanzas have two lines, while others have four. A consistent structure can help guide the reader through the poem.

6. Word Choice: The word "force" in "Her eyes sparkle with such force" seems out of place in the context of a gentle, loving poem. Consider replacing it with a word that better fits the overall tone.

7. Grammar: The poem has a few grammatical errors, such as "Makes us want to really live." This should be "Make us really want to live."

Overall, the poem has a strong emotional core and effectively communicates the speaker's love for their great-granddaughter. By addressing these areas, the poem can become more engaging and impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

your intent, in the line " Allowing us to remorse," however, it just feels wrong.
Almost like saying you feel the need to be sorry for something.
I think in the "spirit" of the whole poem, I would rather rephrase it.
I would say, "Letting us feel, no remorse,"
or maybe, " There is no room for remorse".
I'm sure you can work it out. Wait to see what any others say about it.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you. I needed remorse to complete the rhyme, your suggestion “letting us feel no remorse” makes better sense.

Thank You

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