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Murder In Sixth Street Alley pt. #5

Murder In Sixth Street Alley pt #5

the empty, except for a few dumpsters, trees and shrubs, moon-bright street,
afforded a few nasty hiding places. the killer, investigating the inside
one of the dumpsters, was sifting through the trash. making a terrible din.
slipping into the darkness of a large, leafy bush to catch my breath, it suddenly hit me!
I didn't have to escape this killer, I only had to out-smart him. on this I quickly decided...
smiling to myself, I considered my assets. my air-cushioned tennis shoes, silent except on gravel.
so, I would have to be in sync with noises he was making.the angrier he became, the more noise
he made. the dark clothing, which I always wore would blend into shadows of the ebony night.
my black trench coat and fedora would help me blend into the shadows. thick dark clouds moved
in front of the moon, I reached into the back of my shoe, finding my trusty blade, newly sharpened.
while he moved to another dumpster, I made good use of this opportunity, circling around behind him.
now the hunter had become the hunted...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Challenge by: Geezer
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love it!!! I love the blade in the shoe and the trench coat and fedora. Breathed life into our subject.

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thank you for your support on this project. I liked the poem when I wrote it. but afterwards, I thought is this a c'leche ending? thanks for setting my mind at ease, you are a treasure!

*hugs, Cat

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author comment

would have preferred a much bloodier and conclusive ending; it does provide a still suspenseful end! Are you going to be successful? Will the plan work? It seems that our experiment is going well, I am pleased at the work accomplished so far and hope that we get more critique and comments from the rest of the site! I understand that prose not being your thing; that you are not used to capitalization and forgive you that. Also, in the heat of the moment and the speed of which things are happening, I wouldn't use the word ponder, [which to me, means careful consideration and thought]. Otherwise a successful
conclusion to our story. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I'm not happy with the word (ponder) either. it indicates I had awhile to think it over. which I didn't. I need something that indicates (quick.) got any ideas for me? thanks in advance.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

it was a quick decision
quick or fast etc

Mark

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I worked your suggestion in.

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

but rather a good start for part or a part #6.
Your use of enjambment seems to be your earmark.
Good job Cat,
Mark

Be a vibrant component of our Neopoet community by talking with other Neopoets.

your words of support are appreciated :) thank you!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Thought about lifting a knife off the dead body. Or my better idea was…the victim wasn’t dead and saved me at the last surprise moment. Bludgeoned our killer with a patio block.

This works for me!
Tim

that is cool, too...

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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