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Mr. Monkey
In a chaotic world, bright and loud,
Mr. Monkey always by my side.
Whilst my parents fought, coarse and harsh,
Holding my hand tight while I would hide.
Soft and worn, his fur was my shield,
In my dreams, he made me feel safe.
Even with chicken pox and itched pain,
Mr. Monkey remained close, all relief.
Years wondered by, and life changed be,
Mr. Monkey, forgotten, unseen.
Love bloomed once, then heartbreak arrived,
I balled hard, feeling lost and alone.
In Narnia, he lay hidden deep,
A memory of childhood days.
I found him, his eyes kind and warm,
A friend I could always rely on.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-05-14 13:22
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Mr. Monkey" effectively captures the theme of nostalgia and the comfort found in childhood memories. The imagery of Mr. Monkey as a source of solace during difficult times is poignant and relatable. The use of contrasting emotions, from the chaos of the world to the warmth of childhood dreams, adds depth to the poem.
To enhance the poem further, consider exploring more sensory details to evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader. Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the rhythm and structure to create a more dynamic flow throughout the poem. Lastly, consider revisiting the ending to ensure a satisfying and resonant conclusion that ties back to the overarching theme of finding solace in memories.
Overall, "Mr. Monkey" is a heartfelt exploration of the enduring impact of childhood companionship, and with some refinement, it has the potential to resonate even more deeply with readers.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2024-05-14 09:28
I felt...
that your piece was meant to be written in rhyme.
I did feel a connection, but when after the first stanza, the rhyme, [what the there was of it]
ran out; it kind of felt like you were just adding the lines without regard of where they were to go.
I suggest that you make an effort to put them in some sense of order, to let the natural progression
of the piece make sense of the scenes. Some lines do not make sense; "Years wondered by and life changed be"
Did you mean [wandered] and life changed [me]? I think that this could be so much better if you could make this smoother.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
M. Browne
Wed, 2024-05-15 12:35
hi, thanks for your comment
hi, thanks for your comment and i appreciate your opinions. thanks for taking the time to read my piece, although i feel as if these feedback is rather harsh and i did not ask for such intense, almost rude feedback.
thank you again for reading my work, although please remember to check the level of feedback a person is expecting on their post under the published writing.
thank you
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2024-05-16 09:43
I'm sorry...
if I seemed rude. I did not mean to do so. It is never my intent to make an author feel bad. Forgive me please? It's just that when I see such a promising work not coming up to the potential of itself, I forget that not everyone will be thrilled that I have offered such feedback. I think that you can improve on this piece. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Thu, 2024-05-30 08:22
Mr. Monkey
Hello!
I feel the deep sentiment and comfort here. The memories of our childhood toys usually represent most significant times in our lives, as yours seems to do.
Thank you!
Lavender