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The Perfect Feast

The perfect spread lay out to rest,
our family gathers, all best dressed.
Frames of glass, picture-perfect scene,
Smiles frozen, though not as it all may seem.

Echoes sore of nostalgia's embrace,
we reminisce and pray for grace.
In the silence, joyful memories cease,
of our family's fine feast, a phony peace.

Through lying teeth and scripted laughter,
concealing the truths of our disaster.
Families lie and families fight,
but our shadows are not just from the candlelight.

Our shadows stem from a darkly secret,
that we are taught to forever protect.
Who will be the first to unravel,
for our long-told lies will soon far travel.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
If anyone has a better idea for the first 2 lines of my last stanza would be greatly appreciated, I just don't know if it flows as well as the rest :)
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Perfect Feast" is a narrative piece that explores the theme of family dynamics and the often hidden complexities within. The use of imagery and metaphor is effective in conveying the underlying tension and secrets within the family.

1. Imagery: The poem uses strong visual imagery, such as "the perfect spread lay out to rest," "frames of glass, picture-perfect scene," and "shadows from the candlelight." These images help to create a vivid picture of a seemingly perfect family gathering, while also hinting at the underlying tension.

2. Metaphor: The poem effectively uses metaphor to convey the hidden complexities within the family. For example, the line "our shadows are not just from the candlelight" suggests that the family's problems are not merely superficial, but deeply rooted and hidden in the shadows.

3. Structure and Rhythm: The poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm, which helps to create a sense of continuity and flow. However, there are a few places where the rhythm is slightly off, such as in the line "of our family's fine feast, a phony peace." Adjusting the syllable count or word choice could help to improve the rhythm in these areas.

4. Language and Tone: The language used in the poem is formal and somewhat archaic, which fits with the theme of family traditions and secrets. However, this could potentially make the poem less accessible to some readers. Consider using more contemporary language to make the poem more relatable.

5. Theme and Message: The theme of family dynamics and secrets is a universal one that many readers will be able to relate to. The poem does a good job of exploring this theme in a nuanced and complex way. However, the message of the poem could be made clearer. For example, the line "who will be the first to unravel" suggests that someone in the family is going to reveal the family's secrets, but it's not clear who this person is or what the consequences will be. Expanding on this idea could help to clarify the poem's message.

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Hi Merryn, I thought your poem was really good and I enjoyed it.
As to your question about 2 lines of the last stanza, I have come up with this:

Our shadows bloom in darkest secret,
as we forge new truth, we self-protect.

The flow is good, I instantly got the image of a funeral from your poem.
I loved these two lines in particular:

Through lying teeth and scripted laughter,
concealing the truths of our disaster.

Well done, loved it. Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

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