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Love Gone

My wife
Was always there
Providing love and care
And now she is gone forever
My spouse

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "Love Gone," is a brief exploration of loss and grief, using simple language and structure to convey a profound emotional experience. The use of repetition in the terms "wife" and "spouse" seems to underscore the speaker's fixation on the absence of this significant figure. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the speaker's feelings and the relationship that has been lost.

The first two lines establish the presence and role of the wife in the past, but they do so in a rather generic way. The phrases "always there" and "providing love and care" are broad and could apply to many relationships. To make this poem more impactful, consider using specific details that make this relationship unique. What specific actions demonstrated her love and care? What shared experiences or private moments can the speaker recall?

The transition from past to present in the third line, "And now she is gone forever," is abrupt and could be more effectively handled. Consider using more evocative language or imagery to convey the sense of loss. The finality of "forever" is powerful, but it might be even more so if it were contrasted with a vivid depiction of the past.

The last line, "My spouse," is a repetition of the first line with a different term for the wife. This repetition could be effective if it were used to reveal something new about the speaker's feelings or the relationship. As it stands, it seems redundant. Consider revising this line to add a new dimension to the poem.

Overall, while the poem effectively conveys a sense of loss, it could be improved by adding more specific details, using more evocative language, and making better use of repetition.

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cinquain
I was trying this form, the first line and last line were to be synonyms, I thought?

author comment

Hello, Clentin,
My sincere condolences. I am so sorry...
L
Your heart-felt poem follows the cinquain form in its syllable count, and yes, the first and final lines should be, and are, synonyms.
Take care.

Thank you verymuch. I wrote this poem for a dear friend who faced a terrific loss.

author comment
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