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LOVE AND LUST
You look so enchanting;
I have a desperate longing
to take your face in my hands,
to gently caress you,
to drown deep in your dark eyes.
What secrets are hidden there my darling?
What desires?
Your body fills me with a passion I have never known,
an all consuming fire
that burns from the inside.
Come my love, my wanton whore
quench the unquenchable;
drain my body, my soul,
do as you wish,
command me;
I obey.
I am your lord and master,and yet
Your slave and acolyte;
come to me my love,
my angel,
my warrior queen,
Come to me
as I should come to you;
Together,
naked,
on bended knee,
fingers and hands,
mouths and tongues
Slowly caressing.
Your soft breasts stroking me,
making me weep with ecstasy,
my hands upon you
making you sigh like some primeval beast,
arousing unbridled carnal passion,
and then
my love,
my darling,
as I whisper shameless words into your ears
we shall unite
in rapacious ferocity
that will leave us both satiated.
Style / type:
Free verse
Last few words:
I thought I might try some free verse. I have been reading many pieces lately and the vast majority leave me cold. But some, just a very few, beautiful. So here is my effort, be as critical as you wish, I do not take offence.
Editing stage:
Workshop:
Content level:
Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Isle of Wight United Kingdom
Favorite Poets
Poe, Swinburn, Bob Dylan, Many, many others.
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-11-14 19:42
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Love and Lust" presents an intense exploration of desire and passion. The vivid imagery and strong language used throughout the piece effectively convey the speaker's emotions and longing.
However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced approach to its subject matter. The language, while evocative, occasionally veers into the overly explicit, which may detract from the overall impact of the piece. Striking a balance between conveying raw emotion and maintaining a certain level of subtlety could enhance the poem's appeal.
The use of contrasting terms such as "lord and master" and "slave and acolyte" effectively communicates the complex dynamics of the relationship being described. However, the transition between these contrasting images could be smoother to ensure a more cohesive narrative flow.
The structure of the poem, with its short lines and stanzas, contributes to the sense of urgency and intensity. However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure to avoid a monotonous rhythm.
The poem's ending, with its focus on physical unity, effectively brings the theme of desire to a climax. However, the use of phrases such as "rapacious ferocity" and "satiated" may come across as overly dramatic. A more restrained choice of words could lend more authenticity to the piece.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively communicates intense desire and passion, it could benefit from a more nuanced and subtle approach to its subject matter, smoother transitions between contrasting images, more varied sentence structure, and a more restrained choice of words.
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Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-11-15 10:40
Dear Alex,
be critical, Hell... nothing to be critical about! This is a delicious piece of work, that combines physical and emotional love into an art form! each look and touch is magical, the descriptions defy imagination! yet all you have applied yourself to in this tactile work is sublimely tasteful. you are a master of bringing the written word to life! I applaud you with a standing ovation! (which is difficult because I spend most of my time in a wheelchair, lol!
*hugs and bravo, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
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Geezer
Fri, 2023-11-17 17:36
I would delete...
the first [On bended knee], leave the line as "Come to me." Otherwise, I love it! Nice job! ~ Geez
.
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Alex Tanner
Sat, 2023-11-18 04:56
Bended.
Thanks Geezer, I'll do it and see how it reads. Alex.
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