Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Long Live this Broken Heart of Mine

Submitted by Kristen H. on Fri, 2024-01-05 20:38

You've held me for so long,
I forgot how to stand.

You loved me for so long,
I forgot what loneliness felt like.

You were by my side for so long,
I forgot that I needed you.

...

You let me go
And I stumbled.

You told me you didn't love me
And I was crushed.

You left me alone
And I remembered I needed you.

...

Tear filled eyes
Shaking hands
Voice gone from screaming your name
Shattered is this bleeding heart...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Another heartbreak for the books. Rip it apart.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-01-06 02:40

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

It is not feasible to offer feedback.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-01-10 10:55

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

This poem is very poignant, telling the story of a love grown cold. I remember when my first husband abandoned me and our son without any notice. your poem brings to mind all of the feelings that you have captured with your words. very well written!

I was hit hardest by these lines:

Tear filled eyes
Shaking hands
Voice gone from screaming your name
Shattered is this bleeding heart...

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Kristen H.

Wed, 2024-01-10 16:59

Kristen H.'s picture

I'm sorry you can relate to this poem... I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. I'm pleased to know you have found the love of your life since this tragedy. We all heal in different ways, but poetry is how I cope most of the time.

author comment

Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-01-10 17:10

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

that is part of how I cope the other way is through music. Music is like magick. thank you for responding.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Kristen H.

Wed, 2024-01-24 20:12

Kristen H.'s picture

is definitely one of the ways I cope as well. Somehow, it touches a part of my soul that words cannot.

author comment

Candlewitch

Thu, 2024-01-25 08:08

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

music and Neopoet! I do them together!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.