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Leaving on a train (reworked)

Leaving on a train
Allows us to seek our goals
Hopeful dreams to share

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Leaving on a Train" is a succinct piece that effectively utilizes the haiku form. It manages to convey a sense of departure, longing, and emotion within the constraints of the 5-7-5 syllable structure. However, there are areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the use of the word "love" in the final line is somewhat ambiguous. It is unclear whether this is a direct address to a loved one, or a more abstract reference to the concept of love. If it is the former, the use of punctuation such as a comma before "love" could clarify this. If it is the latter, perhaps a more specific or evocative term could be used to better convey the emotion the speaker is feeling.

Secondly, the phrase "dreams of faraway places" is quite a common trope in poetry and literature. While it effectively communicates the speaker's longing, it may be more impactful to use more unique or specific imagery. This could also help to create a stronger sense of place and setting in the poem.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of verb tense. The title and first line use the present participle "leaving", suggesting an action that is currently taking place. However, the second line uses "dreams", which could be interpreted as either present or past tense. Ensuring that the verb tense is consistent throughout the poem could help to create a more cohesive narrative.

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Good job, I don't know if you have adjusted this since the AI gave its critique, but I don't see the issues that the AI raised. ~ Geez.

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