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Lady Love Vodka
In my closet where no one would see
Is my mistress that takes away my pains to be
There she resides each day and night
To relieve my daily pains and fright
No one can see her or know she is there
I am the only one who cannot share
An ounce at a time lessens my pain
But permits me to hide my shame
A mistress indeed is the one I fear
Knowing she is forever near
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neopoet
Wed, 2024-07-03 22:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Lady Love Vodka" effectively uses personification to depict the speaker's relationship with alcohol. The use of the term "mistress" suggests a clandestine, possibly harmful relationship, which aligns with the theme of addiction.
The poem could benefit from more vivid, sensory language to further immerse the reader in the speaker's experiences. For example, describing the taste, smell, or physical sensation of drinking could add depth to the poem.
The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout the poem, which lends a rhythmic quality to the piece. However, the meter is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Adjusting the syllable count in each line to match could improve the poem's rhythm.
The poem's theme is clear, but the speaker's emotions could be explored more deeply. For example, the poem could delve into why the speaker feels shame, or how the "mistress" both relieves and causes pain.
Lastly, consider the poem's title. "Lady Love Vodka" suggests a romantic relationship with alcohol, which aligns with the poem's content. However, the title could be more nuanced to reflect the complex, harmful nature of this relationship.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Thu, 2024-07-04 01:06
Vodka
My favorite poison...takes all my troubles away. Love your take on the challenge! Well done.
~RoseBlack~
Clentin
Thu, 2024-07-04 08:24
Thank you for reading and
Thank you for reading and comments. I decided to take “Mistress” out of the expected meaning
author commentClentin
Thu, 2024-07-04 09:47
Thank you, I did make a few
Thank you, I did make a few changes, hope it is better
author commentAlex Tanner
Thu, 2024-07-04 05:15
Hello Clentin.
A powerful piece but for once I agree with AI as regards the meter. With some pruning of unnecessary words, and replacing and moving others this would flow and read much easier allowing for greater impact.
Lavender
Sun, 2024-07-07 14:38
Lady Love Vodka
Hello, Clentin,
A unique take on the contest! I agree with Alex - you may want to tighten the meter so this flows a bit smoother. Indeed, she is a mistress!
Thank you!
L
Clentin
Sun, 2024-07-07 14:43
Thank you for reading and
Thank you for reading and comments. I tried to make some changes
author comment