Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Just Another Burning Bush ... (by: eddy styx)
steamy claret party frock clings to your frame
silken gown, tightly caressing every curve
look in your eyes speaks of the broken lovers
you have left in your wake and careless swerve
thinking your game of sexual cat and mouse, cunning
foolish woman-child playing with immolation fires
you do not know, your life is leaving you behind
becoming a most heady object of men's desires.
As enchanted evening turns into nebulous night
while stalking your prey, having not a clue
You have picked up a hunt's man of your own
Smiling at you, knowing this night you will rue.
While lights at the pavilion dim and stutter
the lights in your bright eyes have premonition,
here we are at the culmination of your story
please do not scream at your demolition...
standing before me with fists clenched
feet wide apart, you think to taunt and defy
I will take your flower in brutality
Making you scream, shudder and cry.
a little lighter fluid, which I carry
will give new meaning to the burning bush
I have plans for a rump roast to carve
a play on words for that tight little tush!
Here you lay at my feet, green eyes staring
auburn hair wound around your blushing throat
end of story of yet another fem fatal' Jezebel
now it is my time to laugh, mock and gloat...
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-02-15 20:03
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem certainly employs vivid imagery and a strong narrative voice, which contribute to its overall dramatic tone. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its themes and characters.
The poem seems to revolve around a character who is portrayed as manipulative and deceitful, yet there is little development of this character beyond these negative traits. Delving deeper into this character's motivations and backstory could add depth to the poem and make the character more complex and interesting.
The poem's language and imagery are quite explicit and graphic, which may be intended to shock or provoke the reader. However, this approach can also risk alienating readers or making them uncomfortable. The poem might be more effective if it used subtler, more suggestive language to convey its themes.
The poem's structure could also be improved. The stanzas vary in length and the rhyme scheme is inconsistent, which can make the poem feel disjointed. Establishing a more consistent structure could help to create a smoother reading experience.
Finally, the poem's title, "Just Another Burning Bush ...for lack of a better title!", suggests that the poet is not entirely satisfied with it. A more fitting title could help to set the tone for the poem and give readers a clearer idea of its themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Fri, 2024-02-16 09:15
Just Another Burning Bush
Hello, Eddy,
You are The King of dark poetry. This one is especially harrowing. The title is very appropriate, tying it all together and leading to those last two chilling stanzas. Ten on the scream scale!
L
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-02-16 12:45
Lovely Lady Lavender...
I am so pleased that you read this poem and responded! Thank you for your high praise. Glad you liked the title too. and you gave me a ten!!!
*your biggest fan, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentRoseBlack
Fri, 2024-02-16 20:54
Burning bush
I love this...reminds me of the burning bed...did Eddy enjoy the rump roast?
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-17 06:17
WOW!
Ms. Carrie,
I was thinking of that made for t.v. movie when I wrote this! He was an @sshole and deserved what he got! Farrah Fawcett acted her butt off in a difficult roll! Worse yet, I was in a situation like this and understood how a person could be driven to such a desperate solution to the problem...
*ever, eddy styx
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentRoseBlack
Sat, 2024-02-17 08:28
Same
The last time I was beaten badly by my ex husband,.I swore would be the last. Your poem made me think of that movie and that moment in my life. Sometimes I think Eddy walks inside.my head.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-17 16:38
Lovely Lady,
I understand...One draws a line in the dirt and says: Here And NO Further . It is known as a blood vow. did you tell him? did he look in your eyes and see the fear?
* ever eddy styx
I am there with you
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentWilliam Lynn
Sat, 2024-02-17 10:55
Hi Again.
Hi Again.
Well, that was dark, and nobody on this site, that I have encountered, enters the darkness as well as you.
Mighty fine job. - Will
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-17 16:44
Dear Will,
Hello!
I thank you for the compliment, most decidedly! For more darkness look for RoseBlack, She will knock your socks off!
*ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentSeren
Sun, 2024-02-18 06:30
Wow Eddy
I'm speechless
Love always Lilbit xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-18 06:57
Thank You!
I appreciate the compliment!
*ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentSeren
Sun, 2024-02-18 20:11
Omg l'm absolutely in awe of
Omg l'm absolutely in awe of this one Sis. I'm so happy you took my speechless-ness as the compliment it was? Is that a word. l can't be sure lol
Love you sis have a wonderful birthday xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-02-19 07:32
I think so...
if it is not, it should be. thank you very much.
*ever, eddy styx
*much love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentMermaidMaster
Sun, 2024-02-18 14:56
very well written eddy! my
very well written eddy! my favorite lines are:
steamy claret party frock clings to your frame
silken gown, tightly caressing every curve
a very dark poem but very well done.
<3
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-02-18 15:47
Hey MM,
thank you for reading and commenting on this poem! I very much appreciate you telling what you like! You can also tell me what you think I could do better. I appreciate all forms of critique. Thank you.
*ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author comment