Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Infant Sorrow by William Blake(Stripped for imagery shop)
Infant Sorrow (submitted by Rula)
My mother groaned, my father wept:
Into the dangerous world I leapt,
Helpless, naked, piping loud,
Like a fiend hid in a cloud.
Struggling in my father's hands,
Striving against my swaddling-band
Bound and weary, I thought best
To sulk upon my mother's breast.
stripped version :
Mother groaned, father wept
into the world I lept
Struggling in hands
striving
I thought best
to sulk
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Hopefully this keeps enough of the bones to be identifiable
Editing stage:
Workshop:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Sat, 2017-07-15 05:44
Hello Stan
I am not sure I am getting the idea of stripping the poem from imagery. If I am to strip this poem I won't keep words like wept, lept and groaned. Yes they are verbs but they show much as I see it. What do you think?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
scribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 09:02
Hi Rula
I am trying to strip as much as I can but still leave enough so that a later reader can still get the gist of the poem. I might have given better instructions
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 09:02
Hi Rula
I am trying to strip as much as I can but still leave enough so that a later reader can still get the gist of the poem. I might have given better instructions
author commentwesley snow
Sat, 2017-07-15 08:35
That's more like it.
Most of the stripped poems I have read are full of imagery. Yours is not. You truly ruined the poem without losing its meaning. Well done on the exercise. you did it.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
scribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 09:03
Hi Wes
There a thin line between stripping everything which remotely could be considered imagery and trying to keep enough of the poem to still have its bones
author commentRula
Sat, 2017-07-15 10:34
I was just
trying to understand how much imagery we should strip. Now I get it.
Thank you.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
scribbler
Sat, 2017-07-15 12:53
The
Reason for trying to maintain the meaning of the poem when stripped will become evident later on
author commentweirdelf
Sun, 2017-07-16 13:25
I have only one mssion now on Neopoet.
To get a smile or laugh out of Wesley.
Better still, for you to say something funny, Wes.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Sun, 2017-07-16 17:55
OK
Why did ant crawl up the cow's back leg twice? Because he got pissed off the first time......that work?
author commentwesley snow
Thu, 2017-07-20 08:38
I will confess...
that I don't any longer seem to have a sense of humor.
You keep trying Jess. I would love to laugh again.
I smile sometimes.
Good joke Stan.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
weirdelf
Thu, 2017-07-20 19:54
My favourite-
Did you hear about the dyslectic, agnostic, insomniac?
He lies awake in bed at night wondering if there is a dog.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry