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INFANT SORROW ( imagery shop final assignment)

Infant Sorrow by William Blake

My mother groaned, my father wept:
Into the dangerous world I leapt,
Helpless, naked, piping loud,
Like a fiend hid in a cloud.

Struggling in my father's hands,
Striving against my swaddling-band
Bound and weary, I thought best
To sulk upon my mother's breast.

stripped version :

Mother groaned, father wept
into the world I lept

Struggling in hands
striving
I thought best
to sulk
Rewritten version :

Mother groaned , no father wept
into bright sterile world I lept
Helpless, unwanted mewling low
my fate, nevermore to grow

Struggling in uncaring hands
striving to prolong life's pouring sands
No heed of what I thought best
left to sulk for failing life's first test

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Pretty gruesome I know but i thought this about as opposite as changing imagery could make it
Editing stage: 

Comments

Partial birth abortion is what I hoped to convey as opposed to a regular birth. And I Don't expect many will like the message as it's pretty horrific but I though it might work well for shop purposes. I expect most involved in the shop will provide more palatable works than this........stan

author comment
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