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Idle Intelligence

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Thu, 2024-03-14 18:30

Hello. Sir,
I’m afraid
I must concur.

Madness gave birth,
Excuse the mess!
This is our planet earth.

Why? you curiously ask,
it changes hourly
Best have a compass or flask.

Insanity has an erection,
If you ask me abstain
It is the best form of protection.

The sane are now quiet,
So, thinking is unorthodox
where is a leader to try it

Instead of being open minded,
We gave our minds to reporters
Who assumed we didn’t mind it.

You thought we were opinionated,
That’s called intelligence
Around here it is outdated.

You must not be from these parts,
To tell you the truth Mr. bot
Our leaders leave us with broken hearts.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-03-15 00:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Idle Intelligence," employs a conversational tone and uses a blend of abstract and concrete imagery to convey a critique of societal issues. The language is playful yet pointed, which can be an effective strategy for engaging readers and provoking thought.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm. The first three stanzas follow an ABCB pattern, but this is not maintained throughout the entire piece. Consistency in form can help to create a sense of cohesion and can enhance the overall flow of the poem.

The use of colloquial language and informal address ("Hello. Sir," "Why? you curiously ask") can be effective in creating a conversational tone, but it's important to ensure that this doesn't detract from the clarity of the message. In some places, the meaning of the poem becomes somewhat obscured by the informal language and the abstract concepts being discussed.

The poem's critique of societal issues, such as the influence of media ("We gave our minds to reporters") and the devaluation of intelligence ("Around here it is outdated"), is clear and thought-provoking. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of these themes. For example, the stanza about giving minds to reporters could delve deeper into the implications of this action, rather than simply stating that it occurred.

Lastly, the poem's conclusion, in which it is revealed that the speaker is addressing a bot, is a surprising twist. However, the implications of this reveal could be further explored. Why is the speaker addressing a bot? What does this say about the speaker's view of society? Delving deeper into these questions could add another layer of complexity to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Thu, 2024-03-14 19:50

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having the small b in Mr. bot was a slur against the emotionlessness of the bot. Therefore, it doesn't raise up to the standard of being human. Woe is us! We have the advantage for now, but... Anyway, good punch in the face for the social-media group. ~ Geez.
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