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Emotions on a platter

You think I write to impress?
I would be playing hide and seek.
With death if this pen didn’t express

What this heart filed away
Don’t talk to me about strength
Damn it not today!

These thoughts chase me.
Only God knows.
Why they didn’t erase me.

What’s the matter?
No appetite for
Emotions on a platter

Shut up to the voices!
That remind me nightly
Of all my wrong choices

If you thought
You will see me give up
Of whatever your drinking
I will buy you another cup

This cross I bare.
They will have to pry it
From my fingers
Even if every demon
Wont stop screaming

I will give the keys to hope.
So, tell sherlock.
to take out a microscope
If you think I’m giving in
Time to wake up.
From the dream your living in

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Emotions on a platter" is a raw and emotionally charged piece that effectively captures the struggle of dealing with inner turmoil. The speaker's use of strong language and vivid imagery creates a sense of urgency and desperation, making the reader feel as though they are experiencing the emotions firsthand.

One of the strengths of this poem is its use of repetition, particularly in the lines "Don't talk to me about strength" and "Emotions on a platter." This repetition drives home the speaker's frustration and exhaustion, making it clear that they are struggling to cope with their emotions.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could benefit from some editing. For example, the line "If you thought" in the second-to-last stanza feels disconnected from the rest of the poem and could benefit from being reworded or removed altogether. Additionally, the use of "sherlock" in the same stanza feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the poem.

Overall, "Emotions on a platter" is a powerful and poignant piece that effectively conveys the struggle of dealing with inner demons. With a bit of editing to streamline some of the language, it could be an even stronger piece.

Suggested line edit:
"If you thought you'd see me give up / Of whatever you're drinking / I'll buy you another cup" - changing "your" to "you're" for grammatical correctness.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Hiya, Paul.
I found the sporadic punctuation really strange and would prefer that there were non,
Also, I don't usually agree with ol' "iron arse" (AI) but it didn't do a bad job this time.


for your feedback neo kat and obi

author comment
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