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Guilty Pleasure

Thoughts spilling
Are you ready?
Are you willing?
To listen

In this darkness
I will bring out the sun
Ink to the page
Is like bullets.
To a gun

Been through more
Thick than thin
I'm still competing
This is a prize
I know I can win

don't need popeye’s spinach.
Thank them for the gesture.
Right now, I think they are wrong

I go to war with the man
In the mirror nightly
The mirror responds.
Find a hobby
Advice not to be
Taken lightly

Oh, no I won’t press escape
I’ve invested too much
I bought a computer and a cape
And I have a guilty pleasure.
Seeing anxiety bent out of shape

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Guilty Pleasure" is a personal and introspective piece that explores the speaker's inner thoughts and struggles. The use of short and simple sentences creates a sense of urgency and directness, as if the speaker is pleading for someone to listen to them. The metaphor of ink as bullets to a gun is a powerful one that conveys the impact and weight of the speaker's words.

The repetition of "thick than thin" and "not competing" adds to the poem's overall message of strength and resilience. However, the line "This is a prize I would rather not win" feels a bit unclear and could benefit from further explanation.

The reference to Popeye's spinach and the mirror as an opponent also add interesting layers to the poem, but could use more development to fully flesh out their significance. The final line about seeing anxiety bent out of shape is a unique and intriguing way to express the speaker's guilty pleasure.

One suggested line edit would be to change "I also have a guilty pleasure" to "I have another guilty pleasure." This small change would add more clarity and flow to the line.

Overall, "Guilty Pleasure" is a thought-provoking and introspective poem that could benefit from further development and clarity in certain areas.

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I thought this is kind of courageous poem. It reveals human weakness and the need for others to hear and interact with. I also like how could the author confess his/her weakness.
I thought you've set the scene so well in the first stanza to get his attention.
As a suggestion, I always recommend using the simile without using the words "as" or like"

I find the third line in S 5 unclear
"The mirror responds.
Find a hobby"
Maybe it's only me

Other than that I am happy to read your work and looking forward to reading more


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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that you might turn the lines about:

Been through more
Thick than thin
Not competing
This is a prize
I would rather not win


Been through more
Thick than thin
I'm still competing
This is a prize
I know I can win

Why the sudden change from capitalizing all beginnings
of lines to not doing so in the first two lines of the
fourth stanza?

Use Don't instead of [didn't]

A small change in the line:
"I also have a guilty pleasure"

And I have a guilty pleasure.

All in all, a great piece about being self-assured and the changes made.

Nice work! ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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geezer and rula

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