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Have faith and believe!
Where do you go
and what do you do.
When you've lost
the desire to have faith?
When you feel
that your suffering
has taken you past
God's power
to succor and save.
When the friend you once knew,
stands with open arms
and you just want
to walk away.
Do you myopically assume
that your way is right.
Digging your grave
in the middle of the night.
Is heaven too much
of a leap to make
in your present disorderly state
or is it anger
that's holding you down!
Then lying alone
in a hospital room
randomly you hear
a familiar tune
"Don't stop believing"
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words:
I totally get the idea that suffering brings strength, but sometimes I'm just not up for it. Nonetheless I venture into the future
with a continual stroke of beatific fortune. You can scream, you can cry, but ultimately you know that you still have operative
faith. I really don't want to stop. There is to much at stake!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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South Ogden, Utah
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-05-15 08:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Have faith and believe!" explores a profound theme of faith, doubt, and personal struggle. The use of rhetorical questions throughout the poem effectively engages the reader and encourages introspection. However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery to evoke stronger emotional responses.
The transition from the speaker's internal conflict to the hospital scene is abrupt. To improve the flow, consider providing more context or a smoother transition. This could be achieved through the use of additional stanzas or lines that bridge the gap between these two scenarios.
The ending of the poem introduces a song lyric, which can be a powerful tool to evoke emotions and memories. However, it's important to ensure that the reference is clear and accessible to a wide range of readers. If the song is not widely known, the impact could be lost.
The poem could also benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality and readability. This could be achieved by paying attention to the syllable count and stress patterns in each line.
Finally, the poem could delve deeper into the speaker's emotional journey. While the struggle and doubt are clear, the resolution or transformation is less so. Providing more insight into how the speaker's feelings or perspectives change could add depth to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
Wed, 2024-05-15 02:59
Pronouns
Please overlook the gross overuse of pronouns. I couldn't think of a better way to convey this message.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentLavender
Wed, 2024-05-15 13:17
Have Faith and Believe
Hello, Leslie,
I feel the skepticism and frustration here. There is almost a weariness to it. I agree with AI that the end comes a bit abruptly. In your last few words, you've stated that there is too much at stake. Perhaps weave that idea into the last few lines of the poem before the final ending.
I'm in and out of the site, but I will check back later.
Thank you!
L
Leslie
Wed, 2024-05-15 14:09
L
Thank you for your comments I appreciate your thoughtfulness in reading, but for some reason I am not able to change it anymore than I already have.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commenttyro
Sat, 2024-05-18 12:18
Your cadence is very strong,
Your cadence is very strong, and the reader immediately falls in with it's easy rhythm. Such strong incisive language.
From my personal view I found this poem perfect, because I saw nothing I would criticize.
Tyro
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
Leslie
Sat, 2024-05-18 15:47
Tyro
Wow, I'm glad that you thought that much of it. Thanks!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentkowque
Mon, 2024-06-24 04:58
This one resonated
I know the feeling of hopelessly wanting a solution
❤️
Koki
Leslie
Wed, 2024-06-26 06:16
kowque
I know that you do and I genuinely feel for you!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
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