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With good intentions?

Submitted by Leslie on Mon, 2023-11-06 17:33

Sometimes in simply sharing,
friends tell you things that hurt.
With only good intentions,
they cut you to the quick.
It's not always truth.
That tares you up inside.
But their motives are revealed
in every single line.
Only through a dialogue,
can things be rectified!
And finally heal the hurt,
held there deep inside!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Being right isn't necessarily good!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-11-06 23:34

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively communicates the theme of unintentional hurt caused by friends and the healing power of dialogue. The structure is consistent, with a clear flow from the problem to the solution. However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the emotions involved.

The phrase "they cut you to the quick" is a strong metaphor, but it might be more impactful if the poem elaborated on how exactly the words hurt. This could be achieved through more specific imagery or by delving into the speaker's emotional response.

The line "It's not always truth" is a bit ambiguous. If the intention is to suggest that the hurtful things friends say are not always true, it might be clearer to rephrase this line for better clarity.

The resolution of the poem, "Only through a dialogue, can things be rectified!" is a strong statement. However, it might be more effective if the poem showed this dialogue or its effects, rather than telling the reader about it.

The use of exclamation points in the last two lines gives a sense of urgency or excitement, but it's worth considering if this tone matches the overall mood of the poem. If the intention is to convey a calm resolution or a sense of relief, a period might be more appropriate.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied language and poetic devices. The repetition of "inside" in the last two lines, for example, might be replaced with a different word or phrase to avoid redundancy.

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Geezer

Mon, 2023-11-06 19:12

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sometimes, people don't think about what they say affects another, or it's not that big a deal for them. Many times, a friend will think that they are imparting wisdom or welcome advice. Don't be too quick to assign ill will to such a thing. You are right, it takes only a little conversation to understand that what has been said, causes hurt. I like this little piece and can find little fault
other than the spelling of [tear]. Nice work. ~ Geezer.
.

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Leslie

Mon, 2023-11-06 22:10

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Thanks for reading this. I wholeheartedly agree with you. If you have a good friend.
They will most likely will be open to a conversation about it. I do not eliminate
myself from making the same types of mistakes. We all engage in this way
from time to time. It takes a humble man to realize what has taken place
and then to come up with a solution that will be mutually beneficial!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

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